{an attempt is simply an unfinished canvas -- my final 2 canvases for Out of the Journal August!}

  

An attempt is simply an unfinished canvas. 

But it is a started one. 

I’ve never worked on the thicker canvases before, but they’re on sale this month at my local art shop, so I grabbed two smaller ones on Saturday, intent on working and finishing them on Sunday. 

Except I ended up creating text and rendering video from 9am to 8pm yesterday, with little time for art (I did, however, take a much-needed nap, choosing sleep over art — rather, my back chose sleep over painting); I worked on one of the canvases while filming a bit, using the extra paint (I hate leaving paint un-used on a palette!), but that was pretty much it. I didn’t have time, then, until this afternoon to work on the other, and according to Dina, starting a canvas counts in our little challenge, here. 

So here’s some retrospecting: I really like where August took me, art-wise. 

In my journal, I’ve gone from full-on art journal to part-art-journal, part-inspiration-book, inspired by the journals of Dave of the Journal Fodder Junkies (I met him, and Eric, quickly at Art Unraveled, and was able to page through his journal during the book signing event; out of all the artists there, he was the only one doodling in his journal — something I tend to do a lot!). There are sketches, paint, papers collected from all over, journaling, magazine images, etc. 

My paintings, prompted by our little challenge, grew more and more abstract until, with these last two, I was paying attention to direction and movement within the brushstrokes. 

And then, there was last week’s, with the big, bold imagery and colors popping off the canvas. 

I’ve been having so much fun being looser with my work, adding soft pastels and oil paintsticks, and oil pastels. Drawing and bending and moving. It has just been so much fun! I really will be finishing these canvases soon, and hope to have them, as well as a few of the other completed pieces, in my Etsy shop by next weekend. 

Until then, I’ll be in the editing bay, finishing up the media for True to You 2. By the end of all this, that workshop will have nearly 5 hours of video content, not to mention 18 worksheets and a 70-odd page PDF. Phew! My longest and most detailed workshop to date!

Consider this an amnisty post -- if you've participated in the Out of the Journal Callenge and haven't commented, or if you haven't for the final week, please do so on this post. I'll be drawing a winner tomorrow!

{out of the journal challenge w/ me & Dina!}

Now I know what she was buying all those canvases for a couple weeks ago! 

Dina and I are taking a challenge, and wonder: are you game? 

Here are the details (as written up so nicely by Dina):

• In August, do 2 canvases per week. Any size (well, I'd say 8x10 at the smallest...biggest is up to you). Weeks run Aug 1-7, Aug 8-14, Aug 15-21, Aug 22-31 (you get extra days in that last week).
• Theme can be ANYTHING...and you don't have to be entirely finished. But at least a GOOD start, if you know what I mean. Make an effort. 
• Canvases can get pricey...if you like, you can work on canvas board. Or, even large sheets of paper or chipboard. The point is to work on something OUTSIDE of your journal structure! There's nothing like putting paint on a canvas, though...hint hint, push push.
• Post your canvases each week if you have a blog...and link back to our weekly posts.
• Don't stress, don't worry...this is loosey-goosey. It's about the experience, it's about stretching, it's about doing something new. We'll be posting tips, observations, etc. as we go along.

I'll be running an online class while doing this, so you can do it, too! 

And each time you work on a canvas, leave a comment with a link to it -- one comment per canvas (either on your blog or flickr, etc) -- and I'll enter you in a drawing to win a free spot in one of my classes! Make sure to go over and comment on Dina's blog, too, so you can be entered to win a spot in one of her classes, too! We'll have a drawing Sept. 1st. 

I'll also do two more drawings for 2 prints from my Etsy shop. ;) 

It should be FUN! Get out there and just go for it! We'll be sharing our experiences and inspirations along the way, so make sure to check back in to see how we do, too!

Can't wait to see what we all come up with!  

{shifts and changes and new ideas...just what a journal is for!}

lost stars; 10"x8" mixed-media on gesso board

I've been trying new techniques, playing with new and loved materials, and grabbing new tools. It's fun -- some are things I've used before and purged from my collection when I moved on to newer, shiny-er things. Others are brand new, interesting, lab experiments in a studio done in vivid Technicolor. I used my first Shiva Oil Paintstick on the painting above, creating a creamy layer above some paint. And while having to wait 24 hours for it to dry (though I'm thinking I may start leaving things outside to dry in this 105F heat) kinda cramped my usual style, I loved going back over it with more paint, more materials, blending and discovering and smiling through the whole thing. 

I like trying new things. But this new shift feels like another step in the road created by my move, when my style shifted and flipped and took me along on the ride. 

You may recognize this as the self-portrait I used in my last video. I decided to keep going, working over it and then re-drawing it with a Stablo pencil (which has become a favorite, as it will write and draw over ANYTHING). This page was done entirely with a palette knife. 

I've also started playing with soft pastels again, and have found that there is a difference between the cheaper ones and more expensive ones. I started with an inexpensive set and found, as you can see above with the magenta, that they spread a lot. Which some people like. But I was looking for something a bit between that and how Caran d'Arch crayons spread when you use your finger on them. I've discovered Prismicolor NuPastels, and love them. I'll post pics tomorrow of a page with those. 

I love love trim that is more crocheted or lacey than any other. And why not paint over it? Create something entirely new? I just love how I kept going -- I didn't say, "There is trim here. No paint, please!" I simply treated it as another collaged element of the page. 

More paint. The hearts are the discards from punching shapes with my Cuddlebug for tags. Why not keep them? I'm finding I'm drawn more and more to discards, small bits, and odd, ripped shapes. For awhile, I was into using scrapbooking or patterned papers in my journal, and then painting over them. Now, I want what's left over when I've finished something else. 

And while the drawing may be in a style totally different (it was a blind contour from a photo), I love it. I love not only the idea that it is me, as I am, not how I would like to be, but that all the materials and ideas and application and colors are just as much a part of the portrait as the actual drawing. At first, I was unsure. Scared. Is this art? Is this good? We can often ask ourselves such things when something so drastically new comes from us, but as I learned today, you never lose what you've done before, not completely. It simply shifts and grows and takes you for a ride. 

You simply need to be willing to get on. 

{happy accidents!}

My thought process when I returned to this piece:

“I really don't want to sit up and paint her in acrylics.”

“Really?”

“Really. What if I did her muted, like Cassie?”

“Eh.”

 “Plus, I like being able to see the map and dots.”

 “OH! What if you painted her in watercolors?”

“YES. WINNING IDEA!”

So I collected together my watercolor set, waterbrush, and intense pencils, curled up on the couch, put on a movie, and finished her. 

AND I LOVE IT.

I love how her hair came out. I love the shading I was able to do. I love the shirt and skirt. I want to do more more MORE!

 This is how new ideas are born, guys! You just need to think outside the box of what you're supposed to and just do what you think might work.

I've gessoed some pages in my journal, put House on, and am ready to sketch and play around!

(I'll have this one up as a print later this week.)

{how I draw}

I took a little time for me today. 

That may sound silly -- I get to create for a living! But the truth of the matter is, I'm usually working on pages and projects for others, and don't really get to sit down and play. Do something for me. I really should work this into my day, and I do get to write in the evenings; I really missed it. I put in my headphones, turned on good music, and just said, 

"World, I am taking a break for a few minutes. I'll be back." 

And picked up a canvas. 

I love working on paintings. I often start with a quote or idea, then build up the layers from there. This one's surprised me with how it seems to just be coming together on its own. I haven't done a painting like this on such a tiny canvas before, so I'm learning as I go along how to put things together. As I look at it now, I realize I don't have any room for the writing I want to do -- I'll probably end up covering the tree. 

But that's OK. It all is OK. I'm playing and experimenting and trying to figure things out. Does my girl look odd, maybe. But that's how I draw. You can draw perfect faces or realistic portraits, but I'll stick with my illustration style. I adore it. I can speak through it. This is me -- how I'd like to be, what I strive to be. And this is my world as I see it. No one will ever experience this piece as I do, but if it does anything once I finish -- if one single person is touched or gets the message -- then my work is done. 

Time to head to the post office, put together kits for others, do a little extra for a new contact, go out for coffee. Take photos for a short piece, email an editor, and then, maybe, get to my journal. 

Thank God for weekends. 

(And Fridays, for Fringe. *bounces*)

PS. I've uploaded to Flickr, so you can once again click through to see the larger size. Also, sorry for the blurry-ness...I snapped these with my phone while working!

{a whole bunch of little things...}

Phew! Working on the netbook is the most frustrating thing of my day thus far. It takes FOREVER for things to load...it took 15 minutes to start up properly! But until my tech support arrives, I'm without my lovely, pretty desktop. *pets silent machine* I did take over one of my monitors so I can at least post; the tiny screen may be great for writing and surfing the net on the go, but the entry box for Squarespace on it is MAYBE three lines long...*sigh*

So, some quick updates and eye-candy are in order! 

First! I made a little vid with the netbook. I don't have my editing software on here, but wanted to play with a camera angle so....here you go! 

(I actually posted it on Saturday...after waiting an hour and a half for it to save!)

Second! 

I've put two original paintings up on Etsy. I've been prompted, seperatly, by two friends to do this, so I'm closing my eyes and putting it out there and am forgetting about it. I'm trying to value myself and my artwork more and this is one way of doing that. 

(roadblocks & strengths on Etsy)

(when our hearts are full on Etsy)

Third! I've been using my Tumblr as a photoblog, since it's super easy to snap and post from my cell phone (whereas Squarespace doesn't have an Android app yet!). I try to post once a day, something I'm working on or the view of my desk...stuff like that! 

Here's the address again: Journal Girl Loves...

I'm kinda taking this time without the constant hum of my desktop running in the background to stay off the internet and really create. I grabbed a good book from the used bookstore, have my sliding door open, and just got a box of goodies -- a nice, big order from the Shoppe at Stampington. So this girl will be off creating and playing and relaxing. I call this Creative Rejuvination and often come back from such breaks with tons of new ideas and stuff to share with you! 

I'll be back tomorrow with snapshots! For today, enjoy some yummy trims. Mmmm! 

PS. If you need something from me, please send an email! I don't have my pretty organized mail program right now, so I will admit I'm behind on things! Don't feel like you're being a pest -- I appreciate the help so I can help you!

{when our hearts are full, indeed!}

"when our hearts are full"

12"x10" mixed-media on canvas

My latest painting, three weeks in the making. I've already bought more canvases to keep going. This was a hard one to share, as I always want to live up to the compliments I've been given on past work. O.o

I just adore her. I gave her pink hair, which seems to be a trend of some kind with my work as of late.

What I can't believe is that I doodled this one while watching TV the other night! Who would have thought I'd be able to play around with a pencil in my journal and draw things that actually please me?

Not me!

So keep working, darlings! Six years ago, I was a college student majoring in TV production. And now, I'm living the artful life! It just takes determination, love, joy, and a spirit of adventure. You can do it! Promise!

And now, I'm going to take my own advice and get off the computer and get creating!

{artful charity, Q&A, & more!}

All right, darlings, we have a lot of ground to cover today!

First order of business…

me & meg at Ritsurin Park in Takamatsu, Japan. 2005.

I have this box in the corner of my studio space. It’s full of paintings I created between 2008 - 2010. I used to worry about not having enough pieces finished to have some sort of portfolio, and now look how many canvases I have!

The other night, I had a thought. It went something like this.

“I really want to help Japan, but have no money to give.”

“You should find the funds somewhere.”

“What about that box of paintings? Chrysti did charity work with paintings on Facebook, didn’t she?”

“OMG, I could sell the paintings and raise funds!”

(I would love to tell you there was only one speaker there, but I think we all know, at least at this point, that I’m the type of girl who has conversations with herself. ;) )

I’ve created an album on my Facebook Page and filled it with a bunch of paintings. There are pieces ranging from $10 to $150, and 70% of all the funds raised will be donated to the Red Cross. See? I can just text them a bunch of times — except I’ve read that the donations from cell phones don’t ACTUALLY get there until, and here’s the kicker, the bills are paid.

Yeah. Headdesk, anyone?

So I’ll be donating directly with the funds raised by painting sales.

I see it as a win-win-win situation: I gain more room in the studio & actually do something to help in the wake of all that’s happening, you donate money, and you get a painting to hang in your home. Oh, and add another win to that because the people in Japan affected by everything will also get some help! Win-win-win-win.

You’ve gotta like those odds!

Check out the album over on Facebook and see if there’s anything you like. Because the pieces are all kinds of sizes, I’m calculating postage after purchase so I can put in exact details to give you the best price. I can also take the paintings off the frames for a few of them, and send them rolled along with the disassembled frame. Your choice.

—

Next! I’ve started using my Tumblr account again, if only to spout random inspiration and photos at you, as well as answer questions. Here’s what I’ve answered this week:


Sure could use some advice as to how to let go of my expectation of the project and just create.

How do you pick a subject to start a journal page, and how do you determine what materials to use to create that page?

What is your favorite pen and why? ^^

Do you always make your own journals? If so, what kind of paper is your favorite? And, if you buy them, what kind is your favorite and why?

Do you have a question? Head on over and ask it. I’ll get to it ASAP!

—

The Button Journal workshop’s open and has it’s first few students. I’m getting GREAT feedback on the process, and hope you’ll come join us.

Won’t you? For $20, it’s a steal!

—

And last but not least, Nolwenn, a dear friend and one of my blog’s sponsors has opened her Etsy shop! Go over and take a look at her darling paintings! 

{getting lost in translation}

I had this whole post lined up for today, glamor shots of various projects on my desk at the moment, each swirling with color and intent. They’re not the for-fun pages I’ve created for the past five years, those explorations in the studio that lead me to where I am now; instead, each is being created for a specific purpose, a plan in place up in the air somewhere that I’m clinging to like a child tethered to a kite in a thunderstorm.

And saying all this, I’ve been in incredibly high spirits lately.

But yes, intent. I feel as though I have something to say. Instead of letting emotion spill onto the page and hoping others can pick it up, I have thoughts and words and meanings and lessons I want to convey, except now I’m having some sort of speech problem, much like when I try, after being out of college for five years, to construct a sentence in Japanese.

すみませんわたしはまいご…

Befitting, as I received a letter today that says, on a collage:

Dear Samie,

Your art is awesome and so are you!

Love, Erica

A beautiful piece of art, with a letter attached, and I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Who would have thought I’d ever receive anything like this 5 years ago when I began teaching myself to draw?

I want to tell stories. I always have. Ever since I was ten years old and wrote the saga of a girl on the Oregon Trail for class, I’ve been addicted to telling stories. Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that I have a perchance for little fan stories (and if not, there’s nothing to see here, move along *innocent whistle*). And lately, each painting I work on tells me a story about myself, and seems to be transforming me, a bit at a time, into something new.

Shiny, but worn on the edges.

A couple weeks ago, I was lamenting about how I didn’t have much money. Which is true, and a naturally reoccurring pity-fest in my life, except this time, I realized what the problem was.

Me.

I’d become my own roadblock. I couldn’t blame the world or the internet or anything but myself. I’d been doing things without really producing anything, creating without making a single thing. And my stories were getting angry, being all bottled up inside, words craving to get out. So I began writing. I’d write in the morning or late at night. I wrote, a few days ago, well past midnight, having shot up out of bed with words floating across my sight.

And these pages. These paintings and journal pages, they’re beginning to take on the same effect. I’ll work late at night or early or instead of watching favorite shows on TV (which is almost unheard of). They’re telling me stories and I have no control over what the endings are. They simply are.

This one, though, has me befuddled. I feel not disappointed in it, but that, after what’s been said about the two before it, that I’m the disappointing one. Except I see this story in there, this beauty no one may ever see because they weren’t there. And I wish my grammar was better or something, because now I have another canvas, another journal and bits of me, and I’m getting lost in translation.

Or am I?

Wild, random thoughts can be dangerous. I think the perfect remedy for this is to go create more pages for my new class and hope I can string words together better on the page. Because I have all this love and desire to share and help others unlock, and if I can’t, if I’m not saying it right, well, wouldn’t that just suck?

I'm not down, just reflective. Sitting on the edge of a hill, not knowing what's past the next one, just that it's gonna rock.

{sunday in the studio}

I spent the day giving my art journal some much-needed attention. 

This is the girl I sketched last week, filled in with paint, glittery ink, and paper. 

Pulled out some paper to collage, which I haven't done in even longer!

Also? Applying gesso with a palette knife? Fantastic!

This week's painting, in-progress. 

Naturally, I had to knife some gesso in my journal as well!

And here's a beautiful reason to not clean off your stencils after each use. ;)

{sometimes, working without a plan is the best plan!}

'in prayer' 24"x18" mixed-media on board

This one took me 2 1/2 weeks to finish, but here she is!

For me, this was a new experience. I'm used to going about things a certain way, of crafting my layers intuitively but having an overall idea in mind. With this, that seemed to float out the window while I was working, and at one point, I had to sit back and let her settle for a bit before getting back to her.

She started at a very different place -- one of dejection and sorrow -- and blossomed into a woman in prayer as the world takes shape around her. The leaves on the left were doodled one night with Copic markers, and the papers in the flowers were made while out creating last week.

I think, with this one, I was exploring color and brushstrokes just as much as I was cheering myself up. I love how paint looks when spread with a small brush, and it was something I hadn't done in awhile. And while I painted, I began to feel better and better about things. In fact, the words I originally wrote with paint are all covered up. Amazing how something like a painting can transform you.

Of course, to stay on track with my 1 painting a week goal, I won't be able to pull off my now-loved larger paintings; my canvas for this week is 9"x12", and I'm excited to get started because I have NO idea what to paint! But I'm back in the swing of things -- working in my journal, getting samples and projects finished, doing design work for others -- and am happy letting things develop as they will. Wu wei, remember?

My other accomplishment today was FINALLY setting up an online classroom site for myself. I didn't want to pay for Ning, so I went through a very frustrating 2 days of trying to get software to work, and at the last minute, found something that's easy to use and perfect for what I'm doing. Easy-peasy is my motto!

With the WISH Journal Workshop now being about a year old, I have reduced the price to $10. Yep! Get full access to all the materials and make your own pretty journal for just $10.

I've also ported over my workshop from 21 Secrets. It's all about getting started journaling on loose canvas, and if you missed 21 Secrets, you can now get this little workshop for just $10, too! 

This is all groundwork for my next art journaling workshop (coming out in March) as well as this little idea I have about starting a kit club of my own. I'm working out the details, but it'll be a mix of digital & mailed items, videos, resources, and fun bits. I think that'd be awesome, don't you? Who doesn't like getting a little extra. And on the theme we're seeing here, it'll be something like $10-$15 a project, and you can sign up for any month whenever you want.

(If you have a Workshop Ticket, you'll be getting log-in information either tonight or tomorrow, for the new site!)

I figure, I have all these ideas in my head, I should start taking them seriously and sharing them with the world!

Tomorrow, I'm totally filming a video, by the way, all about my love affair with Collage Pauge. I was playing around yesterday and actually made a cool effect with it -- after a year of using it, I'm still figuring out new things it can do!

♥, samie kira

{the magic of community}

A few weeks ago, Nolwenn and I were chatting on MSN, talking about our paintings and how we’d like to do more. This was just about the time Points of Two was ending, and I’d be without a weekly challenge in my life for the first time in a year.

Did you know it takes about 20 days to form a habit? If you can stick with it for that long, it’ll stick with you. Imagine an entire year of creating journal pages...of having some sort of challenge and accountability to get some art done! Some weeks, doing my page for Points of Two was the only art or journaling I did that entire week, and was thankful for the reminder to be calm, create, and center.

As our conversation continued, I thought, “Why not have a weekly painting challenge for us?”

Nolwenn jumped on the idea.

And then I posted to the Facebook group and had some lovelies ask if they, too, could get in on the action.

The group isn’t structured or rigid. In fact, I didn’t finish a painting last week. But here’s the magic part: I worked on one. It’s sitting next to my desk, almost finished, and I can’t wait to get back to it and post my progress to our little group.

We’ve only been together for 2 weeks, but already, there are some amazing things happening. People are pulling out old, unfinished work and breathing in new life. Others are going out on a limb and declaring themselves artists through the little paintings they do. There are no rules, no consequences if you don’t finish. But the environment — of posting photos and getting real, honest feedback — is helping us all grow, become more confident, and really trying new things.

So I wanted to post some photos of finished paintings we’ve done. And if you want to join, let me know — it’s a Facebook group, so I have to have you friended on my personal account, or really, any of the members’ personal accounts, to add you. But it’s so much fun!

by Melissa Peacock

by Stephanie Gates

by Tia Wahl

by Beth Lunny

by Nolwenn

They say in order to make art, you have to make a lot of it. So we're going for 52 in a year. Crazy? Maybe. But hey -- at least we're getting past our fears, declaring ourselves, and doing it.

What could you get done, if you really put your mind to it?

{a new wellspring of creativity and joy}

This new environment has birthed in me a new way of seeing and being.

My journal has become a repository of my new life in the desert. A living record of my days - notes and directions and phone numbers and sketches and colors and experiments and days of fun with new friends.

But not only that. Being here has relaxed me. Allowed me the time to get away from expectation, from the need to do something now or create something or make make make! I've spent my days exploring me, going farther, deeper, and have discovered a new wellspring of creativity and joy.

For the first time, I'm doing series studies. My journal pages are filled with color experiments, shapes that change as I become more comfortable, my strokes more or less controlled, my palette changing here and there. I am in love with my journaling again, in a way I have never experienced before.

The feathers series is almost complete. I can feel it coming to a close. Each reminds me of an emotion or a scene, and I marvel at how much I can feel from such simple pieces of art. I am learning what colors I like with each other and those I don't. Learning how to use color in a way that pleases me.

I am finally ready to see what others around me see - that I am an artist and have something to offer. When I speak, there are people there ready to listen.

Watch the progression, from beginning to now:

"growth"

"through the desert with the top down"

"flying over the ocean"

"the colors of sunlight"

What will the last two hold?

***

This series will be available as prints next week.

{the experiments journal #3: the finished big canvas & fabric edging for a journal page!}

I love that I'm using these videos as a visual documentation of many of my experiments. I get an idea, thinking it out, and then film me trying it out. These are not perfect, polished bits -- they're the real deal, the raw creativity that happens almost every day. 

*Disclaimer: My actual sewing for journals, etc, is much, much neater! 

I added the blue fabric patch after the video was over. Here's a few lovely glamor shots. 

I also sipped a glass of wine while admiring my finished painting! It's the largest I've ever done, and am already thinking about my next one!

The colors are much richer/diverse than in the photo. I'm still working out how PS5 works on a PC (oh, how I miss my Mac!). 

And I love this detail shot, how the writing is coming through the layers! Oh, I just love what I've managed to create! This, too, is available. 

Tomorrow is a full day full of friendship, as is Thursday! I'm a lucky woman to be meeting with such fun and creative ladies over the next 2 weeks!

{being transformed}

Last week, I officially became an Arizonian!

And I managed to take a GREAT license picture.

I also ventured to the Tempe Public Library, an impressively large, newly-renovated library where the library cards are not only designed by local artists, but you can choose which design you like most for your card.

Score!

While searching for books and running around the stacks as I worked down my list, I found the most amazing book: When Walls Become Doorways: Creativity and the Transforming Illness by Dr. Tobi Zausner. The book contains little profiles on artists and how they create art despite disability or illness and HOW they beat all odds to create when faced with difficulty. As I began to read, I became more and more enthralled with the idea that I, too, could create despite my limitations.

For years, I have pushed myself to sit at a desk and work, or stand and paint against a wall. And while I love creating, and have painted and drawn and collaged in such ways, I felt ucky after, or had to leave while in the flow due to pain. How, then, could I create without causing myself unnecessary pain?

I already wrote while sitting in my comfortable recliner, so why couldn’t I paint?

So I grabbed the drawer tower thingy I got at Walmart and plunked it down next to my chair in the living room. Pulled out the paints and stacked them on top, treating it like a table. Now, I’d have all my supplies close at hand and could remain comfortable while painting!

With my paint near the TV, I could paint while watching my favorite Primetime shows (I’m currently listening to Castle!)! And, amazing thing - I was more productive!

According to Zausner, people with ADD can usually find it easier to focus when music, media, or the spoken word is played in the background - and I agree, though I’ve never officially been diagnosed with ADD. By letting something play in the background, I don’t get “bored.” Usually, when reading or writing or doing art, I’ll be in the flow and then my brain will grab onto something else - I’ll check Twitter, my email, or just daydream - before I go back to what I’m working on. With music playing or the TV on, I can be much more productive and focused.

Which shouldn’t be a huge surprise, seeing as I’ve done most of my writing while watching my shows at night. But it was a breakthrough to me. 

And what else could I do to promote self-care? How do you take those limitations or disabilities and turn them into a fresh, unique piece of artwork? When I move to make art, now, I allow myself to be me - completely and totally me, with whatever supplies I have and how I’m feeling - and make my art.

These new journals I’m making are a singular piece of art through smaller parts. I allow mistakes and new ideas and non-standard sizes. Instead of seeing my shaking hands and lack of proper foot on the machine as a negative, I’m using it as a positive to make art instead of simply a product. I am more joyful in creating, more open.

My style is now influenced by all the new scenery around me, the plants foreign to me. Loops and solid colors and less collage. I will work through it, add more and more of myself to it, but I’ve dived in, laughed, and allowed change. It’s an amazing feeling.

So now I’m making smaller 6”x6” pieces on paper that are available. I’m putting myself out there. If you’re interested, leave a comment. Pay what you’d like. And I’ll make more feathers and flowers and put them out there, too.

Even if I’m petrified to come straight out and say to shop owners, “Your store is amazing and I’d love to teach here!”

{the experiments journal #2: liquitex ink!, fun patterns, playing with color}

Just a little more fun from the sunny desert! I go over Liquitex Ink!, paintings, and fun with color! 

I'll be putting paintings up next week. This week is for color study and play. Sometimes, your play and time isn't all about the finished product. I'm loving playing with color and thinking differently, and can't wait to try some new ideas out in my journal! This one's certainly getting filled with fun, and fast! 

As soon as my sewing machine arrives, I'll be putting up custom journals - both sewn and ring-bound - screenprinted fabrics, and little paintings. I cannot WAIT to get these ideas out of my head and into the real world!

{points of two week #39: the marvelous colors of fall!}

Points of Two is an experiment in journaling with myself and Roben Marie! Check out our archives to see the previous weeks' pages.

Hiya! Welcome back to Points of Two! We took a little break while I moved cross-country, but now we’re back and ready with new pages for you this week!

Our prompt was fall colors.

I’ve never been a huge fan of fall. In fact, I always grumbled when it came around because that meant summer was over and winter - a freezing, white, Chicago winter - was on the horizon. I really hate digging my car out and having to wear four layers and a hat and gloves and a scarf and…

But now I live in Arizona, where I’m pretty sure I won’t be seeing ANY snow, unless I drive up north.

Our route out here took us through Missouri, and I can’t imagine a more beautiful, temperate time to drive through the Ozarks. The trees were beautiful shades of gold, red, and fading green. The air cool but not cold. Out every window there was a rainbow of color, a blanket of leaves tossed over the rolling hills.

Color is what I observed most while driving, and I can see my color palette shifting, changing just as my surroundings have.



After almost a month of delayed art, getting back into art journaling feels weird. Like when you get home from a great vacation - you’re HOME, a comfortable, worn place, yet it feels like you’re still in that tropical dream, waking to the sounds of normality all around you…

And here's Roben-Marie's page!

Also, since I didn’t get to posting it yesterday, here’s a bit more progress on my painting. I may let it sit for a day while I play on some smaller pieces of loose canvas, but who knows?

{snuggled in a cocoon of art}

I feel as though I’m snuggled in a cocoon.

In our new apartment, I can only access the internet in the living room (as I forgot the wireless router back in Illinois), so my time online has been cut down drastically. On my magically fixed netbook, sitting in the double chair, purse and supplies next to me, painting in the dim light from a stained glass lamp.

We’re still sharing a bed. Two dogs, two women, one full-size bed. My bedroom holds what supplies I managed to fit in the trailer dragged 1,800 miles behind our car: a table, paints, stamps, large paintings for the walls. The closet here is huge and more than enough room for a creative gal!

I’ve been writing a lot. Long, thoughtful entries in a written journal deepened from reading Journal of a Solitude while crossing the country. In the morning, I sit at my desk, open my journal, and write. I love it -- I am back to the place I started from, where addresses and notes share the same space as doodles, art, and thought spun into sentences.



And then I got an idea: what if I made my own soft-covered journal, but with a quilted, painted cover? What if I added a bit of batting over thin cardstock and kept it all closed with a button? What, then?

Of everything put on the driveway to be packed, only my sewing machine remained. And remains, back in Chicago, along with my iron and waxed linen thread.

How do you create such a journal without these things?

My fingers are pricked, sore. My measurements off, adjusted near the end. My pages sewn in with orange sewing thread from the bottom of my sewing box. But I love it.



I love the abstract way I painted on the front cover and can’t wait to explore that more on this journal’s pages.



I love the upside down flowers on the back, the original front of the journal.



I love the uneven stitches along the final edge, sewn together last.



I love the pages, a paper I’ve never used before.



I love the spark of inspiration, of raw possibility in the air.



I was suddenly inspired to work on another large canvas. This one is 30”x40”. I worked on it and love how the watercolors react with this Yes! canvas. I don’t know where it’s going. So it will say hello to me every morning, and one day, I’ll say hi back with the swish of a brush.

{letting go of fears and getting your hands messy!}

'you can fly' 12"x12" mixed media on canvas

This painting almost never happened.

I originally pulled this canvas out after seeing all the deconstructionism being done by Christine, how she was taking old paintings, ripping off layers, adding new ones, letting some of what was shine through to what is (the upper right corner of this piece has that bit of the original red and orange painting revealed under collaged paper). I loved the idea of taking something already started and turning it into something new, and remember I had a few canvases I started about a year ago that I abandoned after they began going, well, not my way.

But as I pulled this one out, eager to play in my painting style (that is, go to thick swatches of color, collage, and imagery instead of the sketchy style I have in my journals), I questioned why I was doing it. No one buys your paintings, I thought, so why waste your time on something only you’ll see, on something you’ll feel bad about because no one wants to spend money on it?

There’s a bit of validity to that thought, no matter how negative it is — when you’re depending on your art and words to pay the bills, you always have that hanging over your head. It’s not fun. While you want to create just to create, you always have to think further, have plans and projects. Yes, I love it — don’t get me wrong — I just have dark thoughts like the one above sometimes!

It goes back, though, to that hesitation we all have about showing our work to others. That fear that your work isn’t “good enough” or “pretty” or whatever adjective you’re looking for (“grungy” “messy” “vintage”). So we don’t start. Our journals remain empty, our canvases blank. That fear grips us so hard, we continue to comb the internet for more inspiration while putting off our own creative spirit.

But I didn’t want to be controlled by fear or money or outside validation. So I just started throwing down paper, grabbing paint, just getting into the spirit. Put on upbeat music to get me moving. Played with the dogs. Laughed. And then just said,

“Screw it! I’m going to have fun!”

So I started playing. Having fun. Not caring about the outcome. And then, showed it to some friends.

You need to have these friends. Those amazing, sparkling women and men who are there for you, nurture you, listen to your fears and give advice. I am blessed to have such people in my life, and through the magic of the internet, can Skype with them!

I chatted with them. Told them my fears and showed them my work in progress. And that helped so much. Just being able to get things out, to get advice, to hear the world outside myself.

I kept going. I finished the painting while chatting and laughing and sharing.

And I’m so glad I did. 

{working under the sky full of leaves and starts}

First order of business: here's this week's vlog. Outside. In the sun. I couldn't see the computer screen and kept trying to keep up.

I finished the page yesterday while out for an iced chai.

I have to say, getting out and simply doodling in my journal has done wonders. After weeks of prepping for class, rushing through Points of Two entries, and packing, diving back into my journal has help jump-start other creative processes despite having a room full of boxes instead of a working area. Which is fine; I'm down to papers, a toolbox, and a vintage red suitcase filled with goodies. Is it possible to jump into said suitcase? Live among the supplies and scraps and magic wand? I wish we could wrap ourselves in magic and wonder, all that stuff we accumulate that has our muses begging for a moment of time, snatched hours flying by unnoticed.

That happened today, when I took the wood panel painting outside to finish a drawing on it. There's a tree in my front yard that's spread almost like a tent, green leaves hanging off branches that seem to grow up then down into the ground. A dome of nature, with long grass and quiet. And yes, it's in the front, where people can see me, but I don't mind. Put on my pretty pink headphones and do my thing.

Maybe this is all truly like riding a bike. You get distracted, and altered, changed by the crap life throws at you, and then come back, sliding right into that flow of creativity you left for awhile. Things change. A bit of meditation grabbed on a long car ride re-centers and energizes, shows you who you really are, underneath all the failings and bitterness and stress of all this stuff. Secrets. I can only shake my head, detach with love, and count off the days until I move to another state. I'm yearning for that second chance, that new beginning, that moving seems to promise.

And let me say this, while I'm loquacious and frank: thank you. To every single person who's signed up for my class, taken a chance on this whirlwind in my head I'm dying to scream from mountaintops. I am ecstatic for the chance to touch the lives of others, and if one of you comes out with some new way of looking at things, I'll feel accomplished. But more than that, from deeper places, thank you. I've lived with the stress of no more prescription insurance and expensive medications, of bills and calls and denying myself at every turn. And because of you, yes, you, I was able to get meds and pay bills and live with a little more room to breathe. You've helped loosen the corset laced around me, and when I saw sign ups on Tuesday, I actually started to cry. You're the most supportive, amazing, magical people a girl could be blessed to know.

Tomorrow, I'm planning on sitting with my emails until everyone's got an answer. And plan to work out a better organization system. And then, I'm off to the races again, putting together my 'zine or book of journal pages and essays on creativity and journaling, scraps of words and paper put together.

Because isn't that what we're doing, in the end? Collecting scraps and creating meaning, in our own ways?