Ever since I first heard this song back in March, it's been on heavy rotation when I listen to music.
Taking back your life is complicated and messy and full of tears. There are sleepless nights and long days and deep digging to figure out who you are underneath it all. There's clarity and a wellspring of joy you never thought could happen again. With all that is going on, a new life swirling around you, well - one day you'll be enjoying yourself and let out those little giggles of pure happiness and realize you are living. All that was working against you, all you did against yourself, it disappears and you realize that you're finally seeing the sun again - and it's brilliant.
There's a decision I've been struggling with for a week, now. I've journaled and chatted and pondered and realize I've been stalling. Wanting someone else to force my hand. Fighting against the anxiety that roars over the woosh of blood pounding in my ears.
That's when we need a fight song more than ever.
I'm taking the rest of 2015 off as a sabbatical.
Now don't worry, my dear reader - I'm still going to be all over social media and blogging each week. But I won't be offering any new classes, or making any commitments. I need the break. With all the inner work I've been doing, I want to have the freedom to explore in my journals and art without having to worry about creating to pay the bills. I want to be free to make stuff and not worry about how I can use it to propel my business forward.
Part of me is terrified. That I'll be forgotten. That people will move on. That publishers won't be interested. But I have to do it. I have to take all this internal pressure off myself to do, do, do! I work, I come home, I relax. I paint and draw and read. And for now, as I'm still learning to navigate this new inner terrain, that will have to be enough.
I have three more blog posts in various states of done-ness, so I'm going to stop here and save the rest for another day. If you've made it this far, thank you for being here. Every time I get a comment, here or on FB/Instagram, I smile. I'm reminded why I started sharing stuff in the first place.
