inner joy and fun!


Ugh! The internet here has been SO FICKLE; the Belkin router doesn't agree with my MacBook and randomly connects and disconnects. Don't even get me started on how long it takes to load pages -- it's why my posts have been showing up twice, since I'm not sure if the post went through or not!

I've been working a lot, as you'd expect, this being the holiday season. When not battling customers and shelving the never-ending pile of books left randomly around the store, I can usually be found snuggled in bed, blankets piled on to keep the cold at bay. There's a healthy stack of books piled on my floor, as well as random papers. Being tired means sitting at my desk and painting is a bit too much to fathom, so I've collected dry supplies to journal with. They come to work with me, too, for lunch break journaling.

The pages I've been doing lately are much different than what you're used to. When looking them over, I said to my mom, "I'm so afraid these are bad; they're not like my art, not at all, and I don't know if they're anything." Instead of focusing on seeing beauty, I'm focusing on feeling beauty. I don't know how to describe it; when working in my journal lately, I get this extra smile -- it's not on my face, but in my heart. A light joy bounces through me and I feel lighter.... God! I haven't felt this before, or, rather, I haven't been able to capture it. It's like working with little scraps of paper has become my lightning in a bottle, except nothing's caged -- everything's free and vibrant and wheeeee!

Even at work, I've figured out how to dress to make myself feel...well, myself, while still adhering to the dress code. Working's also got me more energized and ready to work on projects. Today, I got about 40 orders for the 'zine off in the mail and the rest are on my kitchen table or in the tub the happy post office woman let me take home to transport envelopes back and forth. Tomorrow, I'd LOVE to get some pretty pretty journals made with some beautiful home decor fabric I found, as well as the leftover Amy Butler fabric on my floor. Heee. A little secret -- I want to make a pretty online shop full of journals and online classes and supplies -- yesterday, a co-worker (who likes my 'zine!) said, "Wow, you're like the journal guru."

Yes! I said. I am! That's because I want to teach and inspire and create and live!

(as always, more journal pages @ flickr)