{what is a girl to do?}

This is the question hanging on my mind lately.

You see, this all started because my current journal's, well, just about filled. I form a bond with a journal, a theme, and often discover new ways to express myself in them. They are my friends. And so, when one is full, I go into a funk, like I've just been dumped by a boyfriend, and need to eat some chocolate, and everything's a dull shade of gray.

Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the picture. I do the art equivalent -- I don't do any. My studio forgets what I look like, water evaporates (which, apparently, is a good thing), brushes stiffen in rebellion (or maybe just poor care). Whatever my last project used remains scattered around my workspace, along with the can of Diet Coke I was drinking at the time. Tumbleweeds brush through.

And then, in my dreams, I see myself making a new journal. Like it's a movie, which may explain why I do vids. Psychology aside, I usually jump up, run into the studio, and BAM! A new journal is created.

Of course, I need to work in it right away. And that first page is SO HARD. Like a first date, we don't really know each other, and we try things that worked in the past; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but at the end of the night, my journal's picking up the check and I'm leaving them with the mess.

Okay -- I defiantly need a date. Because I'm now dating my journals.

Here's the problem, though, this time -- my journal isn't my normal type.

Usually, I have handmade hardcover books. I love them. We fit, and all the work that goes into them is worth it. But lately, I've noticed that they don't come out into the world with me much after awhile because they become as heavy as a brick. All those layers and papers and fabric weigh it down, and I don't know about you, but I don't carry bricks in my purse all that often. So it stays at home, crying, eating my damn cookies and cream ice cream and deleting things off the DVR.

I decided, because I do NOT want to miss more episodes of Burn Notice and Royal Pains, that I'd try something different. Pulling out my binding supplies from the boxes marked with big, black letters, I created a spiral bound journal. Here's my reasoning:

  1. I can take pages out to make it thinner as things progress, thus reducing the brick-like quality journals take on.
  2. It takes less time.
  3. I don't do spreads anymore, so the spiral in the middle doesn't get in the way.
  4. Who totally remembers writing in your spiral notebooks in middle school? Yeah.

It is so awkward! We REALLY need to get to know each other, and the whole time, I'm thinking of ways to bail. But who knows? This could be the one. I need to stick it out, see what happens. There are only about 25 pages in it, so it won't last forever. 

Or will it?