(unfinished. I don't know how I feel about her, yet!)
This week nearly killed me.
I’m not exaggerating, though there are no near-misses, major accidents, or life-altering events. Instead, it was the slow burn of a 400m dash with hurdles along the way.
Lots and lots of hurdles.
When I thought I’d surmounted one, another was ready to hit me in the face. I tripped over a few and ended up tangled in the metal bars on the ground, knees skinned, head reverberating from my teeth slamming together as I fell. Halfway down the track, I was bruised and bloodied with tears falling from moist cheeks.
And while I was getting back up and trying again and again, I wondered:
When do the hurdles go from creating a stronger you to a sign from the universe that you’re on the wrong path?
For the last three days, I’ve been asking myself this question. At what point do you give up and throw in the towel? Walk off the track with mangled hurdles in your wake?
I think a lot of us go through periods in our lives when we ask ourselves this very question. When you’re wondering if giving in is the easy way out or the right way to go. I’ve learned I work best when in the flow, when working in-line with the Divine. But I think I’ve also taken this to mean that when I’m not in that flow, I’m not in-line with my destiny. And we hear this all the time, from self-help and creativity books. That inspiration pulls you where you need to go.
This is not always the truth. Sometimes, you’re going to get beat up and bloody and right when you’re strength is waining, everything clicks into place.
My plight was centered around technology. Technology I know how to use. Stuff I love doing and have for the past seven years (which means I graduated from college five years ago and wow). Stuff I want to take to the next level. And I pushed myself so hard, so very, very hard, that I’ve been sobbing, on and off, for the past week. I’ve shattered like glass. My stomach has been in knots so tight, I’ve had to force myself to eat because it was painful. I’ve not been sleeping. My pain has been at record high levels.
Stress is horrible, my darlings.
But I got it to magically work today, my deadline. I sang to the heavens and began to loosen up. I worked for seven hours and am sitting here finished. It is done. On time. Quality work.
I’ve gotten down the track and come out to clear space. It is time to take care of myself, tend to my wounds, and realize that, from here on out, it’s a piece of cake when compared to the stress-colored hell of the past month.
And damn if that isn’t a wonderful feeling.
(And here is my first canvas from this week!)
I’ve only gotten two links this week for the Out of the Journal Challenge, so give them extra love. My second canvas is ¾ of the way done -- but remember, it’s about progress, not a finished product, so I am excited to say I’m still on track!