On Returning to Home & Chronic Conditions

I recently joined the world of iPad owners (well, I share this with someone, but that still puts me with owners, right?) and have found myself spending time away from my studio and art supplies, so I thought I'd see what this thing can do....and wow! The apps out there are amazing, and react just as materials would if I were using them in the studio - pretty closely, at least! Now I can sketch and journal away from home. While I don't think this will replace my normal materials and methods, I really do love being able to play. I create to relax and get in touch with my Deeper Self. I read this passage in Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, last night that has resonated with me, getting me to think. I love when words worm their way into my mind, taking up root as I mull them over. What do they mean to me? How can I use them to prompt change in a positive direction?
When the culture, the society, or the psyche does not support this cycles to return home, many women learn to leap over the gate or dig under the fence anyway. They become chronically ill and purloin reading time in bed. They smile that fancy smile as if all is well and go on a subtle work slowdown for the duration.
I may shock you with this next statement, but there are times I am thankful for my chronic conditions. They have taught me so much about myself, slowed me down to better enjoy the little things in life, and are always ready to - and quite loudly - remind me to reconnect with myself. This may be through pre-flare-up pain, that tells me I need to rest and take time for myself, or through full flare-up days, when I stay in my pajamas and, as Estes says above, "purloin reading in bed." Or work in a sketchbook. Or enjoy a movie. But if becoming chronically ill is the result of too much time spent up in the outside world, what does that mean to me? My illness started when I was 15, and has, unfortunately, become complicated as the years pass. Does this mean I need to spend more time in my Soul-Home? Nightly visits in Utter Silence? And how is it that so many days have gone by since the last time I truly created...not nights on the couch while watching movies, but alone, in my space, when I seem to live outside time? One thing I can relate to is the last bit, about smiling "that fancy smile as if all is well." I am thankful that I don't seem to need that mask anymore. About a week and a half ago, I had the pleasure of working with a new client, Jen, and was filming her in her studio. She gave consideration and acknowledgement to my FMS, and even had us take a shorter work day for my sake. And yet, I wasn't treated as though I'd break, or any less of a professional. I felt more like a Whole Self in those hours than I have in a long time (remind me to write of returning dreams; it is an amazing experience!). Any thoughts? I know I shall continue to mull this over in my mind, turning up the soil of my fertile soul, preparing to plant new ideas and dreams. I do hope to discuss such things more, with all of you, spreading the words of change and Wild Souls as I continue on my journey. With love, Samie Kira