{what is a girl to do?}

This is the question hanging on my mind lately.

You see, this all started because my current journal's, well, just about filled. I form a bond with a journal, a theme, and often discover new ways to express myself in them. They are my friends. And so, when one is full, I go into a funk, like I've just been dumped by a boyfriend, and need to eat some chocolate, and everything's a dull shade of gray.

Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the picture. I do the art equivalent -- I don't do any. My studio forgets what I look like, water evaporates (which, apparently, is a good thing), brushes stiffen in rebellion (or maybe just poor care). Whatever my last project used remains scattered around my workspace, along with the can of Diet Coke I was drinking at the time. Tumbleweeds brush through.

And then, in my dreams, I see myself making a new journal. Like it's a movie, which may explain why I do vids. Psychology aside, I usually jump up, run into the studio, and BAM! A new journal is created.

Of course, I need to work in it right away. And that first page is SO HARD. Like a first date, we don't really know each other, and we try things that worked in the past; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but at the end of the night, my journal's picking up the check and I'm leaving them with the mess.

Okay -- I defiantly need a date. Because I'm now dating my journals.

Here's the problem, though, this time -- my journal isn't my normal type.

Usually, I have handmade hardcover books. I love them. We fit, and all the work that goes into them is worth it. But lately, I've noticed that they don't come out into the world with me much after awhile because they become as heavy as a brick. All those layers and papers and fabric weigh it down, and I don't know about you, but I don't carry bricks in my purse all that often. So it stays at home, crying, eating my damn cookies and cream ice cream and deleting things off the DVR.

I decided, because I do NOT want to miss more episodes of Burn Notice and Royal Pains, that I'd try something different. Pulling out my binding supplies from the boxes marked with big, black letters, I created a spiral bound journal. Here's my reasoning:

1. I can take pages out to make it thinner as things progress, thus reducing the brick-like quality journals take on.
2. It takes less time.
3. I don't do spreads anymore, so the spiral in the middle doesn't get in the way.
4. Who totally remembers writing in your spiral notebooks in middle school? Yeah.

It is so awkward! We REALLY need to get to know each other, and the whole time, I'm thinking of ways to bail. But who knows? This could be the one. I need to stick it out, see what happens. There are only about 25 pages in it, so it won't last forever. 

Or will it?

{misadventures in soldering}

My God, why did I ever think this was a good idea?

From an email sent mid-soldering. Halfway in, I knew I was out of my depth. First off, I was using plumbing supplies from Menards I picked up two months ago when I decided the actual jewelry soldering kit at my local independent art shop was a bit too expensive (at $60, of course). So I wandered the long, foreign hallways of the hardware store, looking for a soldering gun. Anything that would point to the supplies I needed.

And then, of course, there's all kinds of stuff there. Rolls and rolls of solder with these markings on them, percentages. I was a screenwriting major, for God's sake! Math was left behind at summer classes between my junior and senior year, as I'd failed, yes failed, it the first time.

I knew two things: that I needed this mysterious liquid called Flux, and that my solder shouldn't contain lead.

Okay. Flux, easy to find. Yes, it's a big bottle, and I'll probably never use all of it. It will go in the pile of Things Kira Bought When Something New Caught Her Attention. It will be in good company, out in the garage sale/donation box. And the solder wasn't hard, as I was looking for the words Lead Free.

Anyway, my soldering iron had gone missing months earlier, so all these supplies were bought for when I found it. And that date was unknown, as I wasn't really looking for it. So when a soldering iron showed up in Dad's office, I knew it was my time.

Now, living on the cheap, I had to find things to supplement those shiny professional and probably correct items. My mat was an old plastic one decorated with blue paw prints, previously used under the dogs' drinking bowls. The spongy thing to wipe off the iron was the soft side of a green kitchen sponge. The holder was an old glass ashtray that just was perfect for the iron I'd “borrowed.”

The basics of soldering are easy – brush some flux on the copper tape you've put around the item, hold the solder in one hand, the iron in the other, and drop beads of solder onto the tape. Okay. Easy enough, right?

Not so much. The iron I'd found only heated up on the arm, not the tip, so I was brushing sideways on the broad back of my teardrop pendant. Instead of getting those nice, smooth lines, I had globs. Big globs. Mountains. Distraught, I grabbed Dad and asked for his help.

His solution? A huge-ass electric soldering gun. Yes, a fucking GUN. Irons are so yesterday – get yourself one of these bad boys; you can literally feel the electricity humming through it as you smooth out your nice, thick, lead-free plumbers' solder.

Let me give you a piece of advice. Or, rather, a warning: the glass gets hot. Not hot-I-can-kinda-touch-it but Oh My God My Fingers Are Gone hot. And when your shaky hands let it drop from the pliers you're using to hold the thing, and it falls into your lap, be thankful you're wearing long pajama pants. I swear, I was playing hot potato with the thing until it clinked onto the floor and I could grab it with the pliers again.

But that's okay. It's back now, right?

I have always had very shaky hands; it's a by-product of the Fibromyalgia. In college, I could never be the cameraman when filming projects. A digital camera has to have the flash on or else there's a huge blur (thank God for tripods). I've gotten better at writing by hand, but paintbrushes go in waves, things bob, and soldering guns go all wonky.

So I'm sitting there, holding this huge gun, electricity humming through my hands, trying, desperately, to get the damn A-clamp holding the charm to stay put, watching my solder melt beautifully only to go in wavy lines or little hills.

After four unsuccessful tries at doing some sort of ring – a loop of solder melted all over the blue paw print mat, and a real jump ring just stood there, totally not submitting to my awesome power – I threw the whole thing down and declared it a mild success.

No, it is not smooth. It is a dull grey, lumpy thing with a pretty picture inside. Nothing to write home to Sally Jean about. But hey – I made it, tried it, and damnit, got to use a soldering gun.

{a inspirational find...}

I was lucky enough to visit Jenny Sweeney's little shop yesterday, where, after going to Bali with Anahata, she carries a lot of Papaya! stuff....which includes a few Sabrina Ward Harrison prints. I don't think the line's been "officially" released, but I got this gem to hang on my studio wall. You have no idea how amazing it is to look up from my journal and see this hanging there.

I also grabbed Papaya!'s 2010 weekly planner. Mmmm...More eye candy! And because of how much I spent, I got a cute assortment of Jenny's notepads and cards!

Here's some of Jenny's new artwork on Anahata's blog; seeing these in person is amazing, and I love this new direction she's going in. I'm so lucky to have such a talented artist living right here near me!

It got me working in my journal, experimenting with new colors and techniques. Does anyone else find that Zinc White smells a bit? I never really have used it, but it came in the pack of colors I bought, so I decided to try it out. I like what it DOES, just am uncomfortable using something that smells, considering I get it all over my hands. Help?

Thank you everyone for your comments regarding my last post, more specifically, me possibly writing a book! Hearing things like that really gives me a creative boost, and I'm seriously considering it, now! So thanks!

This week's vid will be Coptic Binding. I need a new journal, as my current one is about a week or so from being finished, and when I get this close to finishing one, I have to bind, bind, bind! I also have a cool idea for a file folder journal I want to share with you.

For now, I send to you my love and creative vibes!

{things i have learned: june 23 - july 3}

1. Smearing a bit of gesso over stick-on letters makes them look "aged" or "grunged." This is an improvement, since their stark blackness made me not want to use them in my artwork. Now, I can finally use the sheets and sheets I have hanging around the studio!

2. It is July! What does July mean to you? I think of hot summer days, water wars as a child, juicy watermellon, smelling like chlorine from swimming too much, hanging out with friends, road trips, old commutes with no air conditioning, the opressive heat of a Chicago summer, the Taste!, fireworks, sparklers, and the 4th. I think I'll journal all about that on this journal page.

3. Endings are sad. A piece I've been working on is nearly finished, and I'm sad to see the end. When I started, I used my standard "write 1000 words a day!" ploy to keep me going even when I was dead tired. But now, it's less about getting the standard day's words out and more about writing the final list of scenes down. Three remain. The entire thing's topping off at 30,000 words; and no, it's not art related. If you've managed to find my LiveJournal, I'm pretty sure you know what it's about. ;) Yay for re-writes, though!

4. I love sewing onto canvas! This is my second painting with buttons sewn on, but now, I'm sewing the thicker pieces to the canvas! I don't know where this came from, but I want to stitch, stitch, stitch! I have to run out and get some more embroidery thread, as my stash has been used up and I need new colors!8"x8" mixed-media on canvas. available.

5. My journal pages kill pens. I have purchased a disposable fountain pen to see if that will work on the pages. If not, I have been writing with pencil lately and it's not all that bad!

6. I meet the best people through blogging and creating videos. An email I recieved a few days ago has lead to a conversation that is helping to boost my confidance about possibly authoring a book. This is a topic I know nothing about; must do some research this week.