After I hit publish on yesterday's post, I hid in my room and texted my best friend.
I just put my blog to zero and wrote the fuck out of the truth and my heart. I am freaking out. I hope to God I did the right thing.
And in the tradition of best friends everywhere, she said That post took guts, and I commend you for it! You're gonna be fine. Actually, I smiled the whole time I was reading the post, cause all I've been seeing for you is the word renew. I think it's all gonna be good.
That was one of the scariest things I've ever done. My blog & art is my lifeblood. If I don't have readers or buyers of art & classes, I don't pay the rent. And maybe it's silly to believe such things can sustain a girl into her thirties, but lately, wow, lately I feel like blessings have been falling on my head. Not that it hasn't been difficult -- that visitor badge is part of a collection from the past few months (+ one armband for myself). But I feel more capable of handling it. Like I just burst forth from a tight bud with the arc of water extending out in front of me, my eyes finally open. Finally.
And now my digital life reflects my inner one.
Thank you for all your awesome, kind replies, across FB, Instagram, & comments here. I felt like my day was peppered with people along the sidelines of my own personal race through life, shouting or holding up signs or handing me water. My own cheer squad. And here's the thing: we are all each other's cheer squad.
Because the thing is, I want to inspire you. I want to see us all jump back into our art journals and really make a mess of it all.
I loved what I wrote here. Sit here in the thick of it messy + imperfect with the water cup balanced between my thick thighs, my supplies spilled on the bed. No clean studio magic. Just me, + a movie + a sleeping dog. And wow, doesn't that sound like the perfect night? Being true to how life really is, loving your curves, and the secret joy of a pup trusting & loving you enough to sleep, well, sprawled across the bottom of your bed?
That's what I want. And what I want for you. And if that means opening a door to my messy, imperfect, crazy life, then I'm throwing open the door and the windows & saying come in as you are, because you're always welcome here.
So which way is the wind blowin',
and what does your heart say?
So follow, follow the sun,
and which way the wind blows
when this day is done...
- Follow the Sun, Xavier Rudd (it's on Spotify & you should take a listen now)
More pictures & words over in the Art Journal Re-Connect group (it's free!)