The untold story about last week's Points of Two is this: I really didn't iike the page I made.
When I work on a page, I concentrate on the intention or emotion I'd like to express in the page, hoping the mix of paper and paint is infused in the final product. You may not see it all, but I do when I look at it, days, weeks, months later. To me, journal pages have a bit of my soul in them, a shared piece through emotional expression.
We lend ourselves to our art whenever we step up to the page or canvas. The Divine has a hand in what we put out, but it only works when we lend ourselves, when we surrender everything and let out what makes us unique and authentic.
Anyway, the page felt....empty. Far from what I originally wanted to put down. Yes, the process was relaxing, amazing, and meditative, and I won't deny that, but when I sat back and looked at what I'd created, the words felt empty. Not the page, but it felt mismatched, like I'd imposed the wrong words over something I'd seen.
I realized, as I sat back and reflected on my page, that it was too busy. I'd gone from a larger, chunkier patchwork to one with bits and pieces and finer details that, while the process was enjoyable, it wasn't as filled with spirit as I'm used to. I realized I needed to figure out a way to take this patchwork I'd been experimenting with without letting it take over my work.
In short, I'm at another turning point in my work.
This is a frightening place to be. My mind is filled with uncertainty. What will I be creating next? Will it be an enjoyable experience? Will I be creating authentically and with soul? Or will my work feel empty? What about all the other processes I love playing with? How can I pull this all together?
But the only way to get through this is to continue creating and being mindful while playing.
For this new beginning and experimentation, I needed to shed the old and move on. So here's my new journal, with a lovely paper I found at Paper Source and fell in love with it at first sight. It's got all my favorite colors in it, and makes me happy when I pull it out of my purse.
e asked me to explain how I sketch out ideas. This was the first thing I did when I opened my new journal.
I was asked last week to conceive a class with Maya Road's new canvas banner book. I immediately thought of making a hanging banner, one celebrating spring or another one to six letter word. Usually, I'll take the product home and just start working on it, hoping a class-worthy idea comes from my play. But I've notice planning a class that way only makes it harder for me later one when I have to teach. No, I knew I needed to start planning things out in order to make me a better teacher.
So, when I couldn't sleep the other night, I pulled my brand new journal out and started drawing out my ideas.
I like to daydream my ideas, construct art pieces in my head. But as I learned with the canvas flowers, this doesn't always work out properly.
I thnk on paper. Ask questions. Try to figure things out. Stare into space for awhile to think. Meditate. Things come as they will and then, I get an AHA! moment and it all clicks into place. Now, I know exactly what I'll teach and the steps we'll all take.
I let loose on this journal page, painting with intent, letting out my pain and frustration with the red paint and a spray bottle. The background speaks more to me than anything, but I know I need to get back to writing in my journal. Sure, little bits here and there are fine, and quotes, but I haven't really WRITTEN about my day or what I'm doing, and I really love that part of journaling. Sometimes, we focus so much on the art, we forget about the words. A journal should be a combination of both.
My journal is helping me figure things out. Find my deep inside. Getting back to what I love and need. Yes, need! That is important! When working, the Divine may lead us in another direction, which is what They did when I was doing my last Points of Two page....showing me where I was going, and where I needed to be.
And here are the next two pages I"m working on. I've already started taking notes for my next Etsy shop update (but they're secret, so they're a surprise!) and doodling and writing. I need to get thoughts down, and this is where they shall go.
I love working on pallet paper instead of having an actual pallet, just so I can take the interesting and fun-looking slices and put them in my journal for a spot of color. They are awesome for collaging, and I love the feeling of really recycling and getting everything in my journal.
Remember to listen to the Divine, let them help you along the way. I'm off to work on more screenprinted labels, some stationary, and a trip to the post office. All while doing laundry and starting on my next class project!
See you all tomorrow, at 4pm central, for the weekly live vlog!