I’ve never really been one to do resolutions. Oh, I’ve made them, sure. But when it comes to the following, well, that’s where this whole thing breaks down.
I think most are the same no matter who you are: better health/exercise, more time for the things that truly matter, quit smoking/drinking/obsessively going on the internet and wasting time on tumblr (mostly seen on tumblr, and reblogged by said people who are, in fact, still on tumblr), perhaps something about going outside more and appreciating nature. We all want to become more organized and devote more time to a hobby we’ve neglected in the past. Go on Google and ask it what people are asking for this year, and all the lists look the same.
But I think I’ve figured out the problem. These are all things we feel we should be doing because society sees these things as admirable traits. Don’t we always praise the organized mother of three? Nod and say, “Good for you!” when we hear a friend hits the gym regularly while we keep putting it off? We congratulate people who achieve these things because we know how hard it is to do just that. And the problem, my dear readers, is that while we feel we should do these things, we really don’t want to.
Because of this, I’ve decided my resolutions are going to be things I actually want to do. Screw society and their lofty judgements as to what is a “good resolution.” If I’m going to have any success with this, I’m going to add in those things I may already do but want to do more consistently, or failings in myself that truly need improvement. Bah, those generic goals. Here’s what I’ll be striving for this year.
1. Become better at communication. I’m a terrible emailer. I’ll go through and clean my inbox about once a month, spend two hours answering months-old notes, and then become lazy again until the next time my inbox tries to drown me in digital letters. I want to answer things the day they come in. I want to respond to comments on my blog, business ventures, and even tweets, in a more consistent manor. However, I don’t want to get sucked in to the internet.
2. I don’t want to get sucked in to the internet. I’ve been on the computer since around one o’clock, but you wouldn’t know it from what I’ve managed to do. I seem to find myself falling into the black hole that is Tumblr way too often, as well as Facebook and Twitter. I was IMing with a friend and said, “Working from home is lonely.” I think I keep going to these sites because I’m seeking the comfort of human contact while my ADD brain pings and bounces around in my head. I’d say I want to focus better, but I’m pretty sure that’s setting myself up for instant failure, as, oh, look, someone’s replied to an IM….
3. I want to paint daily. Oh, this may seem easy, but the reality is I often look at my paints and groan as they start complaining about how much they miss me. Pshaw, paints! On New Year’s Eve, Becca said to me, “I haven’t painted in awhile.” And I said, “We’ll make each other. C’mon, let’s get up and do this.” Took us another half hour to actually move, but then we were off and creating for hours. I’ve often said the hardest thing about being creative is getting up, and this is something I want to work through so I can, you know, paint more. Or do something creative every day.
4. I want to be more sporty. See what I did there? I didn’t say I want to exercise more or I want to ride trails. Yes, I want to do both those things, but I also like the idea that taking a long walk or doing a photo hunt can be considered a tally in the WIN column for 2012. I actually enjoy exercise once I get into it, and find I’m able to sleep better. Oh, that reminds me…
5. I want to conquer insomnia. This may seem a setback from my previous goals —I said conquer — but this is merely a reflection of my intense hatred of that beast I call Kira is not sleeping despite the burning desire to be fucking asleep. I rarely get to sleep before 3am, which means I then sleep until 11am, and I hate it. I HATE IT. I am getting so frustrated with myself, I’m ready to scrawl words across my walls in big letters. Or carve stuff into them. Because I want to sleep. So my resolution is to do whatever it is I can to get back to a sleeping schedule that is most agreeable to me.
6. I want to cultivate more experiences. I keep seeing the same idea in quotes wherever I go: it’s not the years you live, but the life in your years. Something like that. I often beg off social engagements due to fatigue or being sore (which I am today, oh, so sore). But when I think back on those things I did manage to get to in 2011, I realize I often have a great time and come back with a lesson learned. I want to live more, do more, and be more spontaneous.
7. I want to keep up my streak of being the only member of my immediate family who hasn’t gone to hospital this year. This may sound silly, but I’m scare about this one most of all. I had a health issue when I was younger, and I’m starting to see signs of it repeating, and I have no health insurance. I have tried and been denied by everyone. Anyway, I’m scared of what could happen, which sounds like a massive waste of energy, but I’m often not sleeping at night, so have a lot of time to worry. Now that worrying about money’s been taken care of, this is the next avenue my mind goes down. I really should start meditating, again, to clear my head…
8. I want to grow my art and business. Obviously. But I’ve mostly been passive when it comes to such things. I don’t push things down peoples’ throats, or promote myself nearly enough, and have been pretty shy about putting up paintings around town, or sending in another book proposal after being shot down a couple years ago. I’m really tame about it all, especially in person, so I want to take a more active role in my career this year. This includes inquiring about office/studio space, writing up that rate sheet I promised someone in August, creating videos more often, and writing to the blog at least 4 times a week.
Are my goals specific? Not really. But that’s the point — they’re more attainable this way. And yes, there are more things I want to do in 2012, but these are the big ones, the scary ones, the ones that require more effort on my part because while I want to do these things, I’m hitting the most resistance with accomplishing them than anything else. Subject to change, of course, but for now, let’s just focus on these eight and go from there.
And I’ve checked Facebook twice, Tumblr once, and chatted on IM while writing this. Number two is going to be a bitch to accomplish.
But worth it, in the end.
What are you looking to accomplish or improve upon this year?