{ blue & yellow flowers, searching for perfectionism, pieces vs. pages }

blue & yellow

A new journal! I got in the mood to make a journal, so I sat down and made one...and remembered why I stopped making them myself -- they're hard and take a lot of work!

I've never done a half-bound one, though (and LOVE the look!), so it was kinda interesting to figure out how to do it. I saw this paper at Paper Source last week and knew it would make a cute journal cover. *G*

But as I gaze at it sitting on the couch arm next to me, all I can see are the imperfections. The loose signatures, the missed steps, the off measurements. How I still can't seem to cut down text blocks evenly. It's loose and maybe I've used store-bought ones too long to appreciate the imperfections present in my hand-made one? Why can't I seem to get past this? Can't I just use it and be happy?

*sigh*

I'll have to work through this. I always have other journals to work in. I just can't seem to be satisfied....

Something else I've been thinking about lately is Pieces Vs. Pages. Most of my artwork is in my journals. How can this be shown? Does it have the same value? How do I show this work off in coffee shops, etc? I can't just pull it out and hang it -- my pages are double sided. Do I HAVE a body of work or just books in a bookcase?

And then, there ARE some paintings, but every attempt I've made to sell them hasn't worked out. It makes me want to stay inside the journal where it's safe, where there are no expectations, where I can hide. Pretend to be an artist. Am I? What does that even mean?

workshop interest?

Are there still people interested in the workshop? If there's a good amount of people, I may be able to run another "session" starting mid-July. Let me know via comments or email.

Artful post tomorrow. Our basement flooded last night and I just got my car back, so not much time to art/photo/scan anything!

can i get a do-over?

Oh, what a day!

It all started yesterday, when my younger brother borrowed my car and it wouldn't start -- he had it towed, and I called today to see what was wrong. Apparently, the alternator's dead, as well as the battery. I asked them to charge the battery and I'd pay later to get the alternator fixed -- what do I need it for? Don't you just use the battery when you start the car?

Yes, I was that naive.

I also got my A/C fixed after two years without it, so, when I picked up the car, I decided to take a trip down to Paper Source for some journal-making supplies (I'm planning on opening up my etsy shop again with a whole bunch of journals) and other fun inspiration.

Well, on the way home, my car started going funny, my radio popped and went out, the RPMs stopped registering, and I managed to get a window open before ALL the electronics went out! I got a few more miles down the road before the engine gave out. I called AAA and waited -- in 85 degree weather! -- for the tow. And then I find out you get charged after 5 miles! So that little trip to Paper Source ended up costing me the papers PLUS $84!

I'm now lounging inside in a long t-shirt, basket of art supplies next to me. I've a headache from the heat (waiting for the tow) and all the money I'm spending to get my car fixed. And not being able to go to my favorite out-of-the-house spot tonight! *sigh*

Here's a poem I wrote on the side of the road while waiting. I'm going to do art and wait for a new day, because this one was tiring!

we all wish
we had a mirror
to show us what is
coming up from behind
and into being in
the present

a warning of what
is to come

yet if we did
get this
magic mirror
our lives would be spent
in worry
gazing into its depths
agonizing over what
is around the bend
behind
inside of the beauty and joy
surrounding us

insecurities on a summer sunday

I have such a headache.

I've either been afflicted with a nasty cold or allergies, because it's been about two weeks and I still feel God awful. Sleeping all day, sore throat, congested head. But not like sniffling congested, but that pre-congested, can-feel-it-on-the-back-of-your-throat feeling that's got me sneezing and coughing. I've mostly been watching movies and writing little notes here and there for the written portions of the workshop, doing last minute additions here and there when I can concentrate. Which isn't for long.

For the last few days, I've been wondering why I've been feeling this way when there's just so much to do. So much I want to be working on, should be working on. Maybe I'm supposed to take a break? Or something like that. I've learned to listen to my body over the last six months or so and give in when it's a sure bet I'm not going to win. But still....there's all this inside I want to get OUT and can't seem to shake whatever this is!

Photo 52 After a nap today, I decided to grab a big piece of paper and make a poster of a thought I had running through my head. I was laying on my stomach on the driveway coloring when a neighbor asked what I was up to and came over for a better look. For some reason, I was SO apprehensive....I wondered if she'd like what I was dong, or rather, think I was making art over just being silly. Lately, I've been, well, a bit more successful, like on the edge of SOMETHING, and keep looking over my shoulder in case "they" find out I'm just a fake or  they made a mistake or something.

Art and creativity come so much easier to me than they did when I started down this road four years ago, and I'm forever thankful for this experience, this opening up of my life, this chance to see beauty in the little things, like how my puppy shifts in his sleep instead of being annoyed with the disturbed sleep. But who WOULDN'T be afraid of the rug being pulled from under their feet when things are just beginning to look up again?

I'm SO excited for the workshop; I'm throwing myself wholeheartedly into it (even if I DO still have emails to answer!). I've never taught before but it's been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. It makes me so happy and bouncy from the core of my soul to be granted such an amazing opportunity, I'm going to do everything I can to make it the best I can. You've all blessed me beyond my wildest dreams, made me so happy my breath catches in my throat.

Now, if only I could just kick this bug...!

Hi!!

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How to Journal When Sick

Dsc_0035_31. Be thankful you have pre-painted pages in your journal, for the blank white page can be a bit intimidating.

2. Curl up on couch with puppy dog, cup of tea, and copy of "Ever After" on DVD (so cheap last week at Borders!).

3. Pull out markers, crayons, and scissors.

4. Draw birds and swirls and all sorts of dots. Doodling is best when your face is puffy, nose stuffed, and body all achy.

5. Doodle some more. Because it helps keep your mind off things.

6. Nap. ;)