{points of two week #25: change}

Points of Two is an experiment in journaling with myself and Roben Marie! Check out our archives to see the previous weeks' pages.

I'm going to give you this week's theme in Roben-Marie's own words:

This might be too deep, but I was thinking this weekend about how much I have changed over the last few years.  I find that I have much more patience and find I am much more giving of my time and talents.  I am calmer and react so differently to situations when things are out of my control.  I believe that people can change and I wonder if there may be a way to reflect on our growth over the last few years or less.  How can we meld that into a journal entry?

I do agree with her. There are so many things in me that have changed over the past few years: different reactions, more silver-lining, less depression, more confidence. I tried to meditate on these things while I worked on my page, even trying to work through the different stages in my art as I created. Experimentation. Mess. Thought. Collage. I even used watercolors, which was my very first medium.

People do change. I've seen it with my own eyes, how, if you put your mind to it, if you truly want to change for the better, you can. And if you want to become something more, a bigger, better YOU, that can happen, too.

I took some shots while I worked outside yesterday. Today, I'm grabbing the umbrella and setting up shop. I can't think of a better way to spend a nice, long holiday weekend.

Here's my completed page:

Materials: gesso, pan watercolors, collage bits, liquid acrylics, white pen, pencil, pen, hand-carved stamp

And Roben-Marie's page. Check out her blog for her story!

{a completed journal #14}

{points of two week #24: trim!}

Points of Two is an experiment in journaling with myself and Roben Marie! Check out our archives to see the previous weeks' pages.

TRIM! I love trim. I really, really do. It's so much fun and comes in all sorts of colors and styles. Just wandering down those aisles of trim in Jo-Ann's or Hobby Lobby causes my muse to start jumping for joy and spurting out all sorts of ideas. Sewing it, stitching it, gluing it -- you can't escape the fun and joy of adding trim to your page.

True, true, in a journal, it may be a bit harder, and defiantly makes it thicker, but sometimes, we've just got to do what we love.

These days, scrapbooking shops carry all sorts of trims made especially for paper work, some of them miniaturized to fit better on the page. They come in more colors, with coordinating patterns, almost cookie-cut for a themed piece. Personally, I love the vintage-looking trims, those crocheted pieces of ivory lace, the sewn pieces full of frills and eyelets. You can find great trims at thrift stores, that is, if you're willing to cut up old tablecloths or sheets.

This page was actually created on the back of one of those postal service flat-rate envelopes. I just finished my current journal and haven't bound together my current one (it's all cut down, along with one I'm making for Norm!), so I grabbed what was closest and just started working. Gesso and paint reacted differently on this cardboard surface, even after a few layers, and I'm tempted to cut up a few more of these envelopes to bind into my new journal. I love working on new materials, and really love how things turned out on this one.

I attached the trims with double-sided tape. I find that works the best when working with ribbon and trim -- just lay down a path with the tape and press the trim/ribbon down along it. I've tried glue and gel medium before, and just wasn't satisfied with the results.

Be sure to check out Roben-Marie's blog for the story behind her page!

(click & go to flickr)

& Roben-Marie's page!

{new paint playtime!}

I just realized I never posted this picture of the finished banner!

This was a ton of fun to make, and a departure from my normal supplies and methods. While it is still certainly "me," I can really see how I'm shifting and absorbing everything I've learned in the scrapbooking world and applying it to my art.

I totally want to make another one of these, now, just in time for summer! I'll have class details for this one soon.

I found these lovely paints at the shop, and was able to borrow them to experiment and report back my findings. I've been tasked with creating the cover for a Maya Road banner album, but, as always when approaching a new material, had to test them out in the journal, first. That's what it's there for, right?

I found they spread....differently over my gessoed pages. Not quite as liquid as my fluid acrylics, but not as buttery as my heavy-body acrylics. After playing for a bit, I found they actually give me the soft, dreamy look I enjoy, but this took a bit of time to get the right mix of water and paint.

The yellow is a great, muted color, but isn't thick enough to hold its own over darker colors. The traditional tan is a wonderful color, though, and I may have to go buy a jar for myself because I loved using it all over the place.

Because I didn't see a red, I kinda had to fight the urge to pull out my own paints. Which I lost, since the page on the left has a bit in the corner. The colors I did get to play with are amazing, and I'd like to do a little mixing once I find a palette knife around here.

Layering with these is great, too!

I've been having a bunch of fun with doodles, too -- as you can see on this finished page, I'm working on making pretty flowers all over the place. Or mandalas. Or different kinds of plants. I love that there's savanna and prairie around here; taking a walk through any of the forest preserves this time of year can be a great trip for discovering tall grasses and tiny flowers.

When I was in middle school, we used to collect them and press them in our hand-made journals. I still have mine, preserved there under clear shelf-liners, the color faded over the last, God, ten plus years?

Maybe all the rides through farm land have gotten to my head.

Tomorrow is the live vlog at 4pm central! I think one of these days, I'm going to host it in the morning for those in different time-zones. But tomorrow, I'm going to be out all morning, and may be running in just as it starts, again! Any topic ideas?

{journal 14 bringing in a new lesson & new ideas}

The untold story about last week's Points of Two is this: I really didn't iike the page I made.

When I work on a page, I concentrate on the intention or emotion I'd like to express in the page, hoping the mix of paper and paint is infused in the final product. You may not see it all, but I do when I look at it, days, weeks, months later. To me, journal pages have a bit of my soul in them, a shared piece through emotional expression.

We lend ourselves to our art whenever we step up to the page or canvas. The Divine has a hand in what we put out, but it only works when we lend ourselves, when we surrender everything and let out what makes us unique and authentic.

Anyway, the page felt....empty. Far from what I originally wanted to put down. Yes, the process was relaxing, amazing, and meditative, and I won't deny that, but when I sat back and looked at what I'd created, the words felt empty. Not the page, but it felt mismatched, like I'd imposed the wrong words over something I'd seen.

I realized, as I sat back and reflected on my page, that it was too busy. I'd gone from a larger, chunkier patchwork to one with bits and pieces and finer details that, while the process was enjoyable, it wasn't as filled with spirit as I'm used to. I realized I needed to figure out a way to take this patchwork I'd been experimenting with without letting it take over my work.

In short, I'm at another turning point in my work.

This is a frightening place to be. My mind is filled with uncertainty. What will I be creating next? Will it be an enjoyable experience? Will I be creating authentically and with soul? Or will my work feel empty? What about all the other processes I love playing with? How can I pull this all together?

But the only way to get through this is to continue creating and being mindful while playing.

For this new beginning and experimentation, I needed to shed the old and move on. So here's my new journal, with a lovely paper I found at Paper Source and fell in love with it at first sight. It's got all my favorite colors in it, and makes me happy when I pull it out of my purse.

Cheryle asked me to explain how I sketch out ideas. This was the first thing I did when I opened my new journal.

I was asked last week to conceive a class with Maya Road's new canvas banner book. I immediately thought of making a hanging banner, one celebrating spring or another one to six letter word. Usually, I'll take the product home and just start working on it, hoping a class-worthy idea comes from my play. But I've notice planning a class that way only makes it harder for me later one when I have to teach. No, I knew I needed to start planning things out in order to make me a better teacher.

So, when I couldn't sleep the other night, I pulled my brand new journal out and started drawing out my ideas.

I like to daydream my ideas, construct art pieces in my head. But as I learned with the canvas flowers, this doesn't always work out properly.

I thnk on paper. Ask questions. Try to figure things out. Stare into space for awhile to think. Meditate. Things come as they will and then, I get an AHA! moment and it all clicks into place. Now, I know exactly what I'll teach and the steps we'll all take.

 I let loose on this journal page, painting with intent, letting out my pain and frustration with the red paint and a spray bottle. The background speaks more to me than anything, but I know I need to get back to writing in my journal. Sure, little bits here and there are fine, and quotes, but I haven't really WRITTEN about my day or what I'm doing, and I really love that part of journaling. Sometimes, we focus so much on the art, we forget about the words. A journal should be a combination of both.

My journal is helping me figure things out. Find my deep inside. Getting back to what I love and need. Yes, need! That is important! When working, the Divine may lead us in another direction, which is what They did when I was doing my last Points of Two page....showing me where I was going, and where I needed to be.

 And here are the next two pages I"m working on. I've already started taking notes for my next Etsy shop update (but they're secret, so they're a surprise!) and doodling and writing. I need to get thoughts down, and this is where they shall go.

I love working on pallet paper instead of having an actual pallet, just so I can take the interesting and fun-looking slices and put them in my journal for a spot of color. They are awesome for collaging, and I love the feeling of really recycling and getting everything in my journal.

Remember to listen to the Divine, let them help you along the way. I'm off to work on more screenprinted labels, some stationary, and a trip to the post office. All while doing laundry and starting on my next class project!

See you all tomorrow, at 4pm central, for the weekly live vlog!

{points of two week #10: how to be a miserable journaler}

Points of Two is an experiment in journaling with myself and Roben Marie! Check out our archives to see the previous weeks' pages.

This week, Roben-Marie and I focused on what you can do to be miserable as a journaler.

Let's see the pages before I get into things. Here's mine:

And here's Roben-Marie's. Don't forget to go over to her blog to see her story! We both came up with some similar points, but also covered different things. EEE! This is why I LOVE this project!

Here's a bit more on each of my points.

1. think and evaluate while you’re working

one of the best ways to work in your journal is to put on some good music, get into the groove, and just let go. working intuitively rather than rationally or logically, may be difficult in the beginning, but the more you practice at it, the easier it will get. You may feel this is working without thought or intent, but this isn’t the case. Rather, by turning your conscious mind off, you not only block out the Internal Censor, but your subconscious becomes able to speak more directly to you.

In the same vein, evaluating your page while working is like judging a pie halfway through it -- your finished page may look nothing like the way it started. I’ve disliked pages halfway through only to be completely surprised with what came out. In fact, this page wasn’t the one I was going to work on, but it surprised me in the end!

2. compare to other pages (your own or other peoples’)

Sometimes, when working, I may dislike what I’m doing, and so, begin to say, “I like other pages I’ve done, so...” And then, I’ll turn back to those pages and almost look at ‘em mooney-eyed, trying to re-create something I’ve already done.

This doesn’t work.

The same thing goes for looking at the pages others have created. Everyone wishes they could create stuff as wonderful as (insert name here) -- but you need to be in the moment and go where it’s taking you.

3. break the flow

Once you’re in it, stay. Don’t break off to check your email, watch TV, look for new inspiration. Stay in the moment and let whatever your soul’s trying to say come through -- yes, it can be hard at times, and you may face resistance, but that just means you need to work it out more than anything.

4. don’t trust yourself of the Divine

You know the best way to experiment and play and learn. And that’s what a journal is all about -- it is where you try something different, where you dig through the outer layers of who you really are. You are magical, through and through, and have all the knowledge you’ll ever need. And if you don’t think you do, trust that the Divine will provide it when it’s needed.

Breath, sit back, and fake it till ya make it.

5. let it make you sad if things don’t look right while you’re working

If this is a playground, why get sad? Swing higher and have fun!

When I was younger, I couldn’t do the monkey bars. All the other kids would go across, no problem, but I’d fall off. Simply put, it frightened me! So I’d get frustrated and sad. To this day, I can remember the teacher who stood under there and held my legs while I went across. Yippee! And while I did it differently than everyone else, I’d done it, achieved something, and while I got frustrated, I didn’t let it get me sad.

Why get upset when playing around? Isn’t the point of experimenting learning something new, giggling, learning?

6. be totally stubborn; keep the page as you originally thought instead of letting things evolve naturally.

Nothing is going to turn out exactly how you pictured it in your head. Even the best artists know the hand won’t translate things perfectly; it is just a fact of life. Sitting down with an idea as to what your page will look like is fine, but you must be open to the fact that you may discover something new while playing that can change everything. Go with it. Let things evolve and change. Be open. Journaling is speaking to the inside, and you need to let go of the illusion of control.

7. don’t journal or make any art.

If you don’t do any, how will you develop? I almost wrote “get better,” but that’s not a true representation. What are we holding as the Golden Standard? Where is this mark we’re all trying to reach? Journal pages by our peers? Art hanging in galleries? Why are we striving for perfection in a place where play is the goal?

No matter how much I show you pages in progress or write on my experiences with journaling, you are the one who will be sitting down with that blank sheet of paper pouring out your soul. I can only guide you in the same way parents give lessons through stories from their past, hoping my successes and failures can make your path a tiny bit easier.

So keep plugging at it. Keep sitting down at that page. Don’t get caught up in posting pages and getting comments.

Try this: don’t post any journal pages for a set period of time. At one time, I got very wrapped up in it all -- I’d be thinking about posting a page even before I’d finished it! Recognizing that this behavior isn’t what journaling is about, I decided to stop posting for a month. Over a year later, I can go weeks before I’ll scan something in to share! I feel freer than before, free to make whatever I’d like, experiment with different mediums, get my fingers messy. Because there is no audience but myself.

That’s what it’s all about, kids. Internal reflection and discovery. Don’t let the true meaning of journaling get away from you.

{Points of Two Week #9: a sign from above}

Points of Two is an experiment in journaling with myself and Roben Marie! Check out our archives to see the previous weeks' pages.

This week was Roben-Marie and I focused on an instance when we felt God gave us a sign that we were on the right path or when he guided us in the right direction.

It was hard to think of a time, because the Divine can be incredably subtle and nudge you without you even knowing. Those little moments of serendipity, a chance meeting, a missed connection -- these are all helpful nudges from above.

I focused on the idea of a chaotic life needing direction and the myriad of possibilities we're presented with at every moment as I composed this page. I was really thinking and putting my confusion and awe onto the page. There are little things only I know the meaning of, and more apparent hints -- just like these signs!

Finally, I chose the time when I decided to follow my heart and not the money. I stumbled upon a Paper Source near my office, and often went in. Then, when I started to become disenchanted by my job as a property manager (read: landlord's assistant, the one doing all the dirty work), I received comments from the staff about how I'd be a good fit, how they'd love to work with me. The next week, there was a sign saying they were hiring. Next visit, I met the store manager and she gave me an application. On the day I was to start, I walked up to my boss (a VP!) and told her I was leaving. She'd treated me horribly the day before, and that really pushed me to leave.

If I hadn't done that, I would have never discovered art journaling as it is. I would have never learned how to do the covers on a journal you make yourself. This was a clear sign that I was meant for other things, and the one that remains a top change in my life.

Make sure to check out Roben-Marie's blog for her story!

found papers, scrapbooking pages, scrap shapes (mine!) watercolor crayons, dip pen & ink

Roben-Marie's page:

{missing artist returns!}

As you can see, we're switching things up this week. I'll have the live vlog at 4pm on THURSDAY and show some journal pages today.

I've had a doozey of a week. I feel like I need a break from everything even though I haven't been around! For awhile there, looking at the computer screen made my stomach flip flop -- I'm on my laptop now on the couch, using the trackpad and taps since the mouse is broken, and my leg's keeping the one side with the broken hinge from falling over. Such is life. It's kinda hard to use a USB mouse when you're laying on a couch!

Last week, I fell into a terrible flair up, one I kinda saw coming. Note the date on this journal page.

It's quickly become one of my favorite pages, and all I used was paper, scissors, double-sided tape, and watercolor crayons. Crowded, yes, but it gave me an hour and a half of constant distraction, what with all the cutting and taping and random bits of color.

Anyway, I wasn't feeling well, but bounced back. Got back into it. Enjoyed my birthday. Went out with a friend.

But things were more and more painful at the end of the day. I would start a page, and finish it days later. But I need to get things done, get the etsy shop up, pay bills, teach classes. And I like pushing myself, I guess, because I just don't listen.

Wednesday, I decided to FINALLY listen to myself. Took a bath in epsom salts, a candle burning next to me as I tried to fit into my bathtub. Goes to show how long it's been since I've taken one, because, well, I don't fit in a standard American bathtub anymore. Really. When I'd get all myself in, the water level would get up to that little overflow-prevention thingy and start leaking out. Oh, all that warm water going down the drain!

Soaked with a copy of Somerset Studio next to me, put up my hair, and relaxed.

I noticed about four that afternoon that things weren't right. If I looked down, my stomach jumped. I couldn't turn my head. The pain was leaking down my neck to my upper back. By seven, I was sobbing.

And....I emerged on Saturday. I know I watched a lot of DVDs and took my more severe meds, and chatted with people, even made a journal page, but....I have holes. I know the pain was horrible, worse than it has been in awhile. Hell, ever.

last week's Points of Two, done during that hazy time.

I know I felt bad, and kept wanting to go work on stuff, my regular posts, answering emails. And my parents steered me away.

The end, basically, is that I can't work at a desk anymore, hence the broken laptop on the couch. I'm re-evaluating how I can work and make digital media and do web stuff. I'm more angry that I live in a body that restricts me in this way, that I started to actually achieve my dreams and got smacked down. I'm pissed at myself. It's something most can't relate with, and that's what this blog post is -- my venting to a friend. Except it's to a mass of anonymous people online.

So here's my latest page, which I adore, because it's all my favorite colors and shades and pieces and doodles and I FINALLY got the color laser printer to work over the network, and have been playing with Vintage Printable's considerable collection of images. Seriously, have you been there yet? Because there's a ton of eye-candy for use in your journal!