showing my work + loving the process

I think seeing the finished product -- whether it's a journal page or painting -- is great and inspiring, I've been obsessed with documenting my process. 

Earlier this week, I picked up Austin Kleon's new book, Show Your Work. To think it took a book to help me figure out how to show my process seems a little silly, but Kleon's a master at distilling complex ideas into simple chapters that become a roadmap to invigorating creativity. 

By doing a little, every single day, your work quickly adds up. I draw and write every day in my Red Storybook, and have already filled an entire sketchbook with my quiet truths and vulnerability laid out on the page. The sketches may be complicated or terrible, but doing one every day has helped me nurture that side of me -- the side that wants to draw illustrations and paint with gouache. 

Anyway, in an effort to not only track my own progress and create a searchable diary as I grow as an artist, but to share the behind-the-scenes workings of an artist, I'll be blogging every day, except Sundays. Less tutorials, and more inspiration, influences, process, and techniques I've discovered or created. I don't want to show you how to copy what I do, rather, I want to inspire you to go out and do art that is true to your own heart. 

You can sign up to get my blog entries via email over on the sidebar. And I'll soon be linking up my Tumblr to use as a digital scrapbook of art and photography and comics and whatnot that I'm finding awesome at the moment (I know a lot of people use Pinterest, but I've found a great community on Tumblr, and cover the intersection of disability & art a bit more there). 

So here it goes! 

I recently stumbled upon the artwork & creations of Kimberly Hodges, aka Goldfish Marmalade. 

I love exploring new color palettes in my art journal as I work, and was captivated by her combinations of yellows, olives, and oranges, along with delicate pink flowers and aqua whales. I'd reblogged these placemats last week, and pulled them up yesterday when I went in to do a little painting. 

Delicious, right? 

I tried to follow her colors, but had to alter them a little bit, since I'm not a huge fan of yellow, in general. The dark green/teal, however, has been a new color to fall in love with, & I've been using it on a lot of journal pages lately. 

First, I had to prep my surfaces. 

I usually just put on some bouncy, upbeat music and start gluing down collage material, stamping with my hand-carved stamps, and randomly making marks with paint markers. 

I did something a little different this time, though. Instead of thinking up poses on my own, I grabbed a fashion magazine and flipped through until I found images I liked. I wanted to show you, also, that you don't have to perfectly copy a reference image....interpret them through YOUR style and allow them to influence shape and form. Are these amazing drawings? No. But they're how I like to draw, lately (with the thought that I'll fill in the facial features at some later point, except find that they're incredibly expressive as is). 

I also roughed in their hair with some Distress Stains. I've found that, with the backgrounds being random and the colors I add being SO fragmented, that the shapes of the girls can get lost. So I figured this may help them remain strong silhouettes. 

Of course, I work at the same time on canvases. The journal pages are supposed to catch extra paint, but end up being focused on just as much as the paintings! 

And there is before and after! A LOT of stuff gets covered up as I work. Sometimes, I let background elements show through, and sometimes, I keep adding layers until I fall in love with the canvas. I adore this little 8"x8" painting (which is available as part of my garden series!). 

And here's how the journal pages turned out! If you could see me, you'd see me swooning! I just...I can't believe how much I love what I'm painting lately....I've never been this in love & excited before!

...but not everything works out. I kept layering on this canvas and just couldn't get into the right flow. The colors weren't working, the shapes weren't helping, and I started getting frustrated. And that's okay! I know that I can come back later and start painting and still create something wonderful. Just scrape off any wet paint and leave it for another day....

Here's my worktop with drying paintings & a couple of finished ones. And of course, my giant journal catching leftover paint!

I don't do this much every day -- maybe twice or three times a week if I'm lucky, but it fuels everything else I do. This picture makes me happy....I finally am falling into my own style and colors and it's so effortless and hard to do at the same time. 

This post got a little long, but I hope it showed you something inspiring! It'll take me a couple of weeks of showing my work to get the hang of it...and I hope you stick with me!

The Treasure You Seek - photos from the studio

I knew this time was coming -- the day I went into the studio to work on my new abstract series and would hate the colors and canvases and journal pages I made. 

This is helpful to the entire process, though; I make notes in my art journal about the colors I enjoy and the ones I dislike, and the more I play and experiment, the better I get to know myself. I'm nearing the end of the process, though, as I've narrowed down what I enjoy, and even have canvases I've hung around my apartment because catching sight of them in the corner of my eye brings me great joy. They're little bits that boost my mood; I've been dealing with a deeper-than-ever depression as of late, and need every bit of positive emotion I can clutch in my hands. 

The lack of blog updates doesn't mean I haven't been hard-at-work. I finished a commissioned painting last week that I'm dying to share (but am waiting until the owner gets it so I don't spoil the surprise!) & have another traveling halfway around the world -- I love seeing paintings woosh from the studio. It tells the depression that the lies about my Etsy shop collecting dust are just that -- lies. I'd love to do more commissions, though, and that little painting above is available, too! 

No, instead, I have an iPhoto album full of in-process paintings & journal pages. I take a lot of pictures while I'm working, but then come home and doodle in the Red Storybook until bedtime. I need to make a schedule of some kind, figure out an easy way to blog. I have been using my Tumblr more as of late -- I think the ease of posting a picture and a little caption appeals to less-energy & more-fatigued-from-CFS me. You can follow me over there if you'd like, as I also post & reblog inspiring art or resources I find along the way. 

I thought for today I'd share my workspace at the studio. This is where I normally can be found for a handful of hours each day. i've taken to standing because my back hurts less, and I can dance around to music...though Tangie and her family have startled me on more than one occasion, so maybe I should turn the volume down!

I had the most amazing time playing with this canvas...I just put on some high-energy songs and made a mess....let the music move my brush, did big marks, sprayed water, used spray paint (Liquitex, which is low oder and real acrylic!) & kept flipping it around! 

This is one of the canvases I did and disliked, so I decided to have some fun and just see where it went. It went here, to a mermaid girl. She'll have a fake fin, as I'm really into exploring disabled fairy tale characters ATM. 

This is what was behind the easel. I'd been paging through my art journal to make notes on colors, what worked, what didn't, and seeing what my palette of colors looked like. Journals are for more than pretty pages -- take note of your creative endeavors so you can make more things you love! 

I've also been doing more calligraphy, and wanted to share one of the little things I made -- I'll have more tomorrow (saying this will keep me honest & posting!). 

Painted & written and then assembled in Photoshop. I just love how it looks, layered over bits from my art journal! If only they made a white brush pen!

That's what I've been up to so far this week...what about you? 

Experiments In Color & Magic

I find certain magic happens in those last minutes we're in our art spaces - when there's paint left on the palette that we just can't waste, paper we'd usually never use but have close by, when there isn't much time left and we want to squeeze out the most creative juice we can before playtime is over. 

If you follow my Instagram feed (or Facebook), you get a little peek into my process (and usually the mess I make while playing!); I take a LOT of pictures while working - to gain perspective on what I'm doing, to document the process so I can repeat it, and yes...to have blog photos!  

Anyway, over the next week, I'll be sharing the work I've been giddy over - stuff I look at when I'm done and can't help but smile. It's awesome when we create art journal pages we love, but it's brilliant when we can't stop making more!  

I decided to stick with a set color palette for two sessions. Why? To see all the different ways I could incorporate the colors! I wanted to see how they behave as part of my own little class on color theory and experimentation!  

Here are the colors I used:

neon red/teal green/bright aqua green/yellow ocher/dark titanium white/white

Oh, and to paint with? Catalyst tools! Just the small and medium of the grey tools, and the blue wedge. That's it!  

Here are some progress shots of my first experiments with this all! 

And here are two finished paintings! Final details were added with gouache & I pulled out the silver leaf! I was working on ledger paper and half-finished canvases in the studio...and don't be afraid to mess something up in order to keep playing! 

Both are available, and I'll be making prints soon! 

Friday, I'll have more eye candy for you all!  

Thoughts Like Wispy Clouds (from the studio)

Here are a bunch of random thoughts & photos…

Last week, just before I left the studio for the weekend, I mounted a gelli print I adore to a canvas and set it to dry under a heavy box of paints (Monday and Tuesday were a jumbled mess of doctors’ appointments, so I didn’t have a chance to hit the studio). Pulling it out today, I realized I love it too much to paint over it, even a little bit. 

And then, whispered in my ear, I heard oh darling how I love you! 

I got my new-old journal last week as well — I found this book in a thrift store, when I wasn’t even looking, for $2! I had to show the girls right away, and asked Tangie’s husband Dave, who is super talented at bookbinding, to rebind in some watercolor paper. I’ve been art journaling for years, and this is the first time I’ve found one of these! 

(If you want an uber-awesome journal, you should totally hit up their Etsy shop!)

The cover was kind of lacking, so I decided to paint in some of the details with my acrylic gouache. Yes, it took a really small brush and lots of patience, but the end result was so worth it! 

Am I the only person who finds tons of cool scraps and pictures that would be awesome to collage in my art journal, but they never make it in, so they just pile up? I found the pile beautiful. Now if I could just start gluing them into my journal and get them off my table, that’d be great. 

Final thought: what do I do next? I adore this piece, but don’t know what should come next. Handwriting? Drawing? Girl? What would you do?

your willingness to be awed

Let me tell you: when you commit to a daily art practice, you go through some emotional upheaval. 

Working on art every day pulls more out of me, since instead of working on one painting or journal spread a week, I’m doing several. This means generating more ideas and trying to figure out what I want to create…what imagery do I want to paint? How do I want to draw my girls? Are there landscapes hiding behind them? What shapes and patterns am I drawn to? 

And these lead to the deeper questions, because they are the ones that fuel the art. How do you figure out what goes in the background of a painting without diving into the well of your own Self? It’s the only way to find that which you want to express, the subject matter you are willing to commit hours and hours of time with, drawing and refining and staring at again and again. 

I’ve never blurred the writing on a journal page before. I’ve held spreads back, but never hidden the words. I’m doing this so I can continue to be raw and honest in my journal without having the thought of what if I want to share this spread running through my head. 

It is simply a personal revelation about issues I was dealing with in high school that, honestly, I’d forgotten about until I was working through a simple little pet peeve of mine. The words appearing on the page were eye-opening, a true revelation that shed light on interpersonal relationships for the past, well, a long time! 

Be brave enough to take the plunge (hence the girl on the left-hand page, jumping off a cliffside into the deep blue ocean) and risk going too far! It can bring great comfort and wisdom into your life! 

the gentile reminders of an art*full life

After last week's experiment, I'm back in the studio three days a week, working on paintings and playing in my art journal.  

Have a lot of thoughts in my head that want to jump onto the paper. 

It feels like a releasing ceremony, except here, instead of writing worries on the paper and tossing it into a fire, we write them on the pages of our journals (those secret spaces) and transform them through paint, paper, and imagery. I never knew, all those years ago, what a precious gift this art*full life would be, one held carefully in cupped hands, sacred and light and endlessly deep. 

I made it five hours today at the studio. Pushed through frustration and happiness and got down to play. I'm learning to recognize where I'm in my own way and getting ideas where I can make an extra effort or stop being so hard on myself. Sitting down to work on a schedule, having a near-daily practice, helps so much . 

blick matte acrylics, golden fluid acrylics, collage, stabilo pencil, prismacolor markers, washi tape

A friend going through something has me thinking about the rhythms of our lives, how we need to own our rhythms and speeds and know they are perfect for us . I related a story from college: in culture, race, & media class, we started talking about differently*abled folks (my term, not theirs...though it should change!) and their perspective. I offered up my own, newly-formed from a couple months living in downtown Chicago (where I went to college, btw!). 

One thing I'd noticed was that no one slowed down. All around me, people were rushing to get from A to B, on their phones, looking down at their feet -- just rushing about. I'd often have to move to the edges of the sidewalk as I walk slower. I didn't want  to at that time, being twenty years old and a college student, and was desperate for a reason to be happy  with how my life had changed. Up until then, my FMS had been...around...but hadn't had a huge impact on my life. 

(This was also the time in my life when I had my first surgery for other issues.) 

But as I eased into this new rhythm of my life, I noticed more. The flowers planted along the sidewalks in a rainbow of colors, the way the sun highlighted the patina of the statues outside the Art Institute, the cooler air coming off Lake Michigan. I can picture those walks perfectly in my memory, even now. The diner where students ate and the Bennigans down the way. My slower pace allowed me to see more beauty, soak up more life, and taught me patience. 

spray paint, golden high flow acrylics, washi tape, blick matte acrylics -- still in-progress

For me, five hours in the studio is an accomplishment. When I told a different friend, she reminded me to get home to rest so I could spend more and more time there, painting, experimenting, playing, daydreaming. 

Others may be able to put in 8 hours in a studio, or 12, or stay up all night. That's not me. I have a set bed time, I sleep in. I snuggle on my couch and work on the computer each morning. I come home to watch prime-time (and this month, work on my novel for NaNoWriMo!) and curl up and read or play in my sketchbook. Would I like to put in more hours? Yes! Can I? Not really. Am I upset about this? Not at all!  

Just makes it that much more my  path. And if I can illuminate the beauty in the slow rhythms of life on the way, then I'm doing something right. 

me, at the studio tonight, with paint & a smile on my face...

peeling back layers with paint-covered fingers

Yesterday was the fifth day of daily painting for me, and the conclusion of my first week focusing on it for 4-6 hours a day.  

I spent that time alone. Which is scary -- when was the last time you came up against yourself, completely alone with your paintbrush?  

It has been so amazing, sharing this journey with all of you, reading your comments on how you get it , want to paint more, get stuck, thrash against Resistance. As artists, we going through many births in our lives, our styles changing as we claw our way into that onion that is our Souls, peeling back layers with paint-covered fingers. It is that yearning, that need  to know more, that keeps us going, curiosity throwing us into the sea of our own selves. We want more . We want to go deeper , and share how we experience life on the canvas or page or with clay or papers. 

Here's what I've learned about myself & my process this week:  

• Every time I have to make that next mark and can't make the decision, I jump for my phone to check random social media or my email. This is Resistance. I get uncertain and run away. I've started running less and less, or structure my time away from the canvas, and am getting more confident with my own expression.

• I can't listen to the radio while working. It influences my work too much, sways my mood with the words. It also annoys me. The best thing for me? Movies or shows playing on my iPad. I don't actively watch them, but the dialogue and story comforts me without influencing me as I paint. 

• I get too wrapped up in shading things "realistically." I actually chatted with a couple of you over on Instagram about this; despite knowing my style, wanting to be free, and having a vision in my head or instincts that say otherwise, I feel as though things don't look right or aren't done "correctly" unless I shade them right. This is bullshit. Excuse the language, but it's the best word for it. Why can't we simply paint what makes us happy, follow our instincts, and allow things to be ? I am trying to let go of this the best I can -- when I started doing portraits, I was very precise and technical, but now... Let's dismiss this silly notion of perfection or reality or what makes things "acceptable." I have a beautiful watercolor of a girl playing the guitar up where I work to remind me that simple = beautiful. And I'll leave complicated paintings to others. 

•  In the silence, I found more of myself. Sometimes, I'd simply sit and think . I'd doodle in my sketchbook all the thoughts in my head and things I'd experienced in my life. Happy and sad. I had the room to figure out how I truly felt and was able to work through some more complicated emotions. Funnily enough, the big painting I'm working on? Her hair is the same color as mine. Wonder if there's a reason for that... ;) 

Many nights, I didn't want to go home, despite being exhausted. I wanted to stay and play and paint and keep going. I thought this was going to be a week-long experiment. Now? I am sure I'll be spending three days a week there painting, either in my art journal or on canvas. It's so revealing. And I've let go of that notion that everything that I paint has to be done and a print and a painting....they can be bad. It's about the journey  I'm making while being there!

Years ago, I read an interview with Teesha Moore where she suggested you go an entire day without talking to anyone else and spend it in your art journal. At the time, I didn't think much of it. But now? I think she's onto something! 

So here are the action shots from yesterday. They're still unfinished, but I'm now confident they won't stay that way for long! 

One last thing: a couple of you asked about the faux-stitching I did on the other paintings....here's an iPhone video of how I did it! 

the doubt that is necessary to faith & grace

Stick with me - this metaphor is from a sci-fi show, but perfectly illustrates what I'm feeling.

Earlier today, I wrote about self-doubt and trying to figure out why I keep running away when I have to make decisions when I'm painting. One of you wrote back, asking how I could possibly doubt myself.

There isn't exactly language to describe this kind of doubt. It isn't that of the Soul or the Self -- it's of the Artist Self, those moment before birth when you know  wonderful things are about to come out into the world, but you're just before that when it's painful and confusing and moving in hyper-realism and you wonder how you got there in the first place. It's the doubt that comes before a fever breaks and you've been sick for ages. It is the doubt that is necessary to faith & grace. 

So, in this show I watch, Haven , Audrey had to open a door. She had to find it, first, as the world began to crumble around her, and she had a guide, trying to help her remember herself. But it wouldn't work if just she opened the door; her friends had to on the other side, too. And when she opened that door, what awaited her was a desert wasteland, a green and white shining scape of fast moving clouds and mountains in the distance, and she had to cross it on faith alone . 

Right. I'm sure a sci-fi dreamscape looks awesome  to jump out into on faith that there's a magic door on the other side. 

And that's where I am. I've opened the door, I'm looking out across, and I'm taking my first steps. It's scary and overwhelming and larger than life, and I know I'll get through to the other side, but as you're stepping out, you have doubt.  

I'm running less. And found my flow.  

Here are some action shots from the day...