Truly Connecting

 

My first visual journal was a large lined Moleskine I recovered from the bottom of a desk drawer in 2005. 

Being sick most of last week kept me out of the studio (and often off the computer as well), and I had little energy to do anything more than doodle or work with basic watercolors. I found this Moleskine sketchbook tucked into my bookcase, and found it was the perfect size to settle on my lap. The paper is butter-smooth under my Copic multiliners; it took two days to finish the zentangle, my spiraling, mushy thoughts leaking out around the edges. 

The simplest tools can deliver the most awakening of thoughts. 

 

Settled on my bed, large, funny headphones over my ears, I found myself writing out lyric fragments as I listened to the new Snow Patrol album. Snippets jumped out at me as I slowly wrote and re-wrote the words in terra cotta watercolor, parts of the page resisting the paint. 

This is your life. This is your time.

A symphony, slow music of longing

If this is all you’ve ever asked for, then this is all you’ll get

Every eye trained on a different star

Suddenly, all these fragments made sense. When people ask me what I do for a living, I often joke and say, “I write art and inspiration articles. I guess I wasn’t specific enough when I wished to be a writer!” 

 

And it’s true. Maybe right now, I’m not wishing hard enough. Or big enough. I sometimes feel fragmented by all the things I love doing that my week often ping-pongs around from one media to the next, never settled long enough to finish anything long-term. I have, as they say, my fingers in too-many pots. 

But there was magic that night, sitting on my bed. I spent two hours working on a spread of words and images — an evil queen fading but still watching a princess — getting lost in the motions, the process. I wasn’t creating a dynamic art journal page full of bold colors and layers and all that jazz. No, instead, I was truly connecting. 

Has this happened to you? Have you gotten so caught up in the fads and the colors and the myriad of materials at your fingertips that you’ve forgotten your roots? When was the last time you checked in with yourself?

I would love to know in the comments below. 

The Excitement of Possibility

 

There comes a point when the excitement of possibility requires you to re-examine your routine. 

Roben-Marie and I were chatting via Skype. We do this from time to time, and a simple call becomes a gab-fest for at least an hour. Despite the differences in our art, we find we’re often on the same page; I’ve long accepted the way our thoughts and feelings match up as a type of serendipity. And lately, it seems we’ve been dwelling on something: that our business selves have taken over our artistic selves when it comes to where we’re directing our energy. In fact, when she brought it up, I said:

“I know exactly what you mean. Look at my to-do list — most of it is computer work. Only one thing on here is creating art.” 

Here’s a little view of the inside: I spend more time doing admin work on my various lists and sites, creating online content (such as blog posts, essays, photos, etc), and contacting people via social media than I do creating any sort of art. And of all my artist friends, there’s only one or two I can think of that spend more time making art than the other way around, but they have people helping them out when it comes to the internet, or simply have made a conscious choice to reverse this tide. 

And this is what Roben and I were discussing. Figuring out a way to spend more time making art and less time on the computer. How could we accomplish this? Roben runs her own stamp company, so she certainly has more work than me, and has to bring someone in to help her out. She’s realized she can’t do it all on her own, not if she wants to continue to grow as an artist. And she’s taking a few new classes to help her grow in a few new areas in her life. 

Myself, I’m taking a drawing class at the local community college to help boost my productivity and learn a few new skills. I’ve tried to automate a lot of my services on the web — digital downloads don’t require me to send any sort of file, and Journaling Deep adds people automatically, now. The blog will get a little face lift soon as I continue to let it grow and evolve just like me. 

But it’s hard to create new, exciting content to present to the world via the internet if you don’t have any time to make any art. This summer, I took time off from social media to work in my journal, and was amazed at how many new things I discovered. And then I turned around and started sharing them with you. I feel like that was important, taking that break, devoting extra time every day to my journal and paintings. And I need to rediscover this balance as 2012 begins. Because I now see myself as a professional, finally, have stepped up to teach in-person again (this upcoming Wednesday; if you’re in the Phoenix area, I’d love for you to come!), am a designer, now. Have my tablet to create new digital content. And Journaling Deep has such potential, I’m excited to be on this roller coaster without a safety net. 

How about you? Is art still a hobby, or is it what you love to do? 

I feel as though I’ve broken free of the cocoon and am unfurling my wings, prepping for my first solo flight as a transformed creature. I can paint my wings, sing with my soul, and pray I catch the wind. 

 

I’m currently under the weather, so Journaling Deep will be sent out tomorrow. If you’re expecting anything from me, I appreciate your patience. I’m hoping that by resting yesterday and today, I’ll be back at it tomorrow and work through the weekend. 

Looking Forward (into 2012)

 

I’ve never really been one to do resolutions. Oh, I’ve made them, sure. But when it comes to the following, well, that’s where this whole thing breaks down. 

I think most are the same no matter who you are: better health/exercise, more time for the things that truly matter, quit smoking/drinking/obsessively going on the internet and wasting time on tumblr (mostly seen on tumblr, and reblogged by said people who are, in fact, still on tumblr), perhaps something about going outside more and appreciating nature. We all want to become more organized and devote more time to a hobby we’ve neglected in the past. Go on Google and ask it what people are asking for this year, and all the lists look the same.  

But I think I’ve figured out the problem. These are all things we feel we should be doing because society sees these things as admirable traits. Don’t we always praise the organized mother of three? Nod and say, “Good for you!” when we hear a friend hits the gym regularly while we keep putting it off? We congratulate people who achieve these things because we know how hard it is to do just that. And the problem, my dear readers, is that while we feel we should do these things, we really don’t want to. 

Because of this, I’ve decided my resolutions are going to be things I actually want to do. Screw society and their lofty judgements as to what is a “good resolution.” If I’m going to have any success with this, I’m going to add in those things I may already do but want to do more consistently, or failings in myself that truly need improvement. Bah, those generic goals. Here’s what I’ll be striving for this year. 

 

 1. Become better at communication. I’m a terrible emailer. I’ll go through and clean my inbox about once a month, spend two hours answering months-old notes, and then become lazy again until the next time my inbox tries to drown me in digital letters. I want to answer things the day they come in. I want to respond to comments on my blog, business ventures, and even tweets, in a more consistent manor. However, I don’t want to get sucked in to the internet. 

2. I don’t want to get sucked in to the internet. I’ve been on the computer since around one o’clock, but you wouldn’t know it from what I’ve managed to do. I seem to find myself falling into the black hole that is Tumblr way too often, as well as Facebook and Twitter. I was IMing with a friend and said, “Working from home is lonely.” I think I keep going to these sites because I’m seeking the comfort of human contact while my ADD brain pings and bounces around in my head. I’d say I want to focus better, but I’m pretty sure that’s setting myself up for instant failure, as, oh, look, someone’s replied to an IM….

3. I want to paint daily. Oh, this may seem easy, but the reality is I often look at my paints and groan as they start complaining about how much they miss me. Pshaw, paints! On New Year’s Eve, Becca said to me, “I haven’t painted in awhile.” And I said, “We’ll make each other. C’mon, let’s get up and do this.” Took us another half hour to actually move, but then we were off and creating for hours. I’ve often said the hardest thing about being creative is getting up, and this is something I want to work through so I can, you know, paint more. Or do something creative every day. 

4. I want to be more sporty. See what I did there? I didn’t say I want to exercise more or I want to ride trails. Yes, I want to do both those things, but I also like the idea that taking a long walk or doing a photo hunt can be considered a tally in the WIN column for 2012. I actually enjoy exercise once I get into it, and find I’m able to sleep better. Oh, that reminds me…

5. I want to conquer insomnia. This may seem a setback from my previous goals —I said conquer — but this is merely a reflection of my intense hatred of that beast I call Kira is not sleeping despite the burning desire to be fucking asleep. I rarely get to sleep before 3am, which means I then sleep until 11am, and I hate it. I HATE IT. I am getting so frustrated with myself, I’m ready to scrawl words across my walls in big letters. Or carve stuff into them. Because I want to sleep. So my resolution is to do whatever it is I can to get back to a sleeping schedule that is most agreeable to me. 

6. I want to cultivate more experiences. I keep seeing the same idea in quotes wherever I go: it’s not the years you live, but the life in your years. Something like that. I often beg off social engagements due to fatigue or being sore (which I am today, oh, so sore). But when I think back on those things I did manage to get to in 2011, I realize I often have a great time and come back with a lesson learned. I want to live more, do more, and be more spontaneous. 

7. I want to keep up my streak of being the only member of my immediate family who hasn’t gone to hospital this year. This may sound silly, but I’m scare about this one most of all. I had a health issue when I was younger, and I’m starting to see signs of it repeating, and I have no health insurance. I have tried and been denied by everyone. Anyway, I’m scared of what could happen, which sounds like a massive waste of energy, but I’m often not sleeping at night, so have a lot of time to worry. Now that worrying about money’s been taken care of, this is the next avenue my mind goes down. I really should start meditating, again, to clear my head… 

8. I want to grow my art and business. Obviously. But I’ve mostly been passive when it comes to such things. I don’t push things down peoples’ throats, or promote myself nearly enough, and have been pretty shy about putting up paintings around town, or sending in another book proposal after being shot down a couple years ago. I’m really tame about it all, especially in person, so I want to take a more active role in my career this year. This includes inquiring about office/studio space, writing up that rate sheet I promised someone in August, creating videos more often, and writing to the blog at least 4 times a week. 

 

Are my goals specific? Not really. But that’s the point — they’re more attainable this way. And yes, there are more things I want to do in 2012, but these are the big ones, the scary ones, the ones that require more effort on my part because while I want to do these things, I’m hitting the most resistance with accomplishing them than anything else. Subject to change, of course, but for now, let’s just focus on these eight and go from there. 

And I’ve checked Facebook twice, Tumblr once, and chatted on IM while writing this. Number two is going to be a bitch to accomplish. 

But worth it, in the end.  

What are you looking to accomplish or improve upon this year?

A Few New Journal Pages...

This page started much differently, but one night, when I was angry at a page, I pulled out my oft-neglected gesso and slathered it on. And then I turned to this page and decided to just gesso over bits to create the appearance of a white page with paint and spray ink in the middle. You can see how this page started here (it's the one with the clouds up top). 

And yes, this is totally Dina-inspired! I was suddenly struck by the idea of using one of her stamps to create a star shape, and then cut it out from the page with my craft knife. Another one was cut from my supply of painted and sprayed papers and glued down. I added my own bits to make it inspired-yet-mine, and pulled out my chipboard letters to finish it off. 

If this page looks familiar, well, it's because I used it as the inspiration for my contribution to one of the Scottsdale Public Arts' 100+ Community Journals. You can also see where this page started. Basically, I used it as a drop cloth-y thing when spraying some chipboard wings while working on Becca's floor, and left it alone for the future. I do this a lot -- add a bit of paint or plunk down a sprayed stencil so I never really have to face a blank page. Having a jumping-off point is so helpful! 

I painted some green around the blue spray ink, then painted in the wings, shading a bit with different colors. I've always been captivated by faces with blue or green shading to show shadow, so I've been working with bright colors to add depth. I drew with an eyedropper, then went inside to watch The Mentalist while playing with soft pastels on the page. I think that's all I can say, because I really wasn't paying total attention to what I was doing! I love when things just...happen!

I've pulled my white sharpie paint pen because of Jodi's paintings, and did a bunch of layered writing (I'll have more on this soon...as part of a new thing I'll be offering soon!). 

Okay, this one isn't finished, yet! 

It started because I wanted to put that photograph in my journal -- I just adore it, and wanted it to become part of my journal story! The problem came when I started thinking too much; I had the photo and scrap of paper and sat there trying to figure out where everything was supposed to go... 

So I just put the photo down! And then the paper! And some paint! And some trim I colored with Radient Rain. Sometimes, you've just got to go with it!

 

Hope this helped! I'm trying to record the thoughts behind my process so I can share them with you! 

the secrets of strangers (whispered in our ears)

 

We found a journal today.

It was sitting there on the table, alone. It belonged to no one -- there were no bags or papers or a pen or laptop sitting near it, the signs of someone claiming a temporary space. The journal simply sat there, a mystery wrapped in paper, waiting for someone to come along and notice it.

And I don’t think many did, as it sat on that table as the coolness of early morning turned into the hours of late breakfasts and confusion between greetings; a good morning or good afternoon that has no clear-cut line except the matched hands on an analog clock. There was a bit of hesitancy in the grabbing, in the touching, but as soon as the cover was opened, you couldn’t help but hear those secrets of strangers whispering in your ears. 
 


One spoke of a love gained and lost, of a year of trials that helped her to grow. She used markers in different colors and gave the paper her soul to borrow, if only for a little while. I felt like a voyeur, someone looking over her shoulder, and hated that there as no way for me to hug her.

Or the boy who wrote of ties bought for him by his mother, a square cut from each and stapled into the journal.

The one who travels the same route every day.

Or the creative layering of a drawing down to the abstract piece at the end.

I felt like I’d stumbled across something magical. I shared my story, my art, and handed it off to someone else to add to. And so on, and so on, until we’re all strangers who are not strangers if only between the covers of a sketchbook, mostly ignored, yet seen by those who most needed it.

 

{what I've learned about journaling with a friend}

 

It's taken me a week to post these photos, but better late than never! 

There's something magical about journaling with someone else. There are a few things you need to be comfortable with if you're itching to do this. Here's my little list:

1. Be comfortable with creative silence. (What happens when we get into the flow? We don't talk, we focus. You may spend hours sitting at the same person and speak three words. You need to be comfortable with this, with being social without speaking. I love that I can be around my art friends and get into what I'm working on without worrying about making them uncomfortable, and vise versa.)

2. Be excited about trying new things. (Becca pulled out a baggie of feathers, and I now have a pink one taped in my journal. I love seeing what she's up to, and we share supplies, paint, papers, bits we've made, etc. In fact, we usually are excited about something and bring enough to share with each other!)

3. Be comfortable with your own work. (I never feel pressured to make something awesome. I just have fun, and bounce around. Sometimes, I'm painting the entire time, sometimes I'm simply sketching.)

4. Know what you love. (It's easier to go journaling with someone when you know what you love and can condense it into a container easy to carry around. You really learn what you "need" in order to journal and what you can use when you're at home.)

Becca and I journal in public every week, in a popular cafe. We've had people stop and chat with us, ask us about our art, page through our journals. The employees know us because we're the ones that spread out and clutter the table with paint and markers and bits and papers. We're always respectful of the space we're in, and endeavor to leave it as we found it. There's something about being out in public, in watching people come and go, in mugs of tea and the best damn pastries I've ever found. I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

(I am so in love with Thickers, particularly painting them a color to match the page I'm working on. Thankfully, the font I like, in white, is only $2 at Big Lots. I really should grab myself a new package before tomorrow morning's journal time...)