Depression and art: Art journaling saved me! (by Violette Clark)

Our last vacation guest post! This one, by Violette, is amazing, soulful, and gave me chills. How many of us can relate? How many of us have found our true selves through journaling the blackest of moments? I know this story can be many of ours - mine, yours, Violette's. It truly shows the transformative power of art. 

Like many of you I have suffered from depression – depression that at times has been debilitating.  No energy, no joy, no happiness - nothing – just black, soul sucking emptiness.  I remember one day about 12 years ago or so I was so incredibly depressed I couldn’t drag myself off the floor.  I was literally lying on the carpet immobilized.  Luckily my room was messy so I had pens and papers lying on the carpet.  I reached over, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and began to draw what I was feeling. 

The feeling was that of being a slug.  So naturally I drew or rather scratched out a drawing of a slug. Art has always been my “go to” answer to whatever ails me. I just didn’t always know it on a conscious level.

About tweny years ago I found creating something 3-D helped me move through the feelings of grief and sadness – a papier mache dancing cow helped transform the grief. The sensation of slapping on wet pieces of glue drenched paper onto an armature and smoothing it out, hearing the sounds, feeling the feelings and basically channeling the sadness into the cow helped lift my spirits.

I still do suffer from depression and sadness from time to time and when I do I turn to art to help transmute the feelings. Art and particularly art journaling for me has been like an alchemist transmuting baser metals into gold.  A couple of years ago during a coaching call my coach asked me to describe what I was feeling.  Although I found her probing questions incredibly annoying at the time J they were very helpful in drawing out a detailed image of what I was experiencing.

Black Balloon is what emerged from that session.  Black balloon needed to be more than one panel and since I have a cartooning background I felt this format lent itself quite well to the experience of being depressed and floating on a black balloon.  I developed a narrative cartoon based on the questions my coach was asking. The most amazing thing is that after completing the piece my sadness and depression had softened and was slowly lifting. AMAZING! 

I often draw my gremlin and what he’s saying to me – drawing the gremlin or inner critic kind of takes the wind out of him.  As I am able to transform the negative messaging I hear inside my head my drawings of the gremlin shift and change in response to it!  Art journaling is amazing therapy and it’s free!  Oh my gosh – you can’t get better than that can you?

My art journaling pages are not always about depression, grief and sadness but often embody the message of being true to yourself.  Being kind of an eccentric person, living in a purple magic cottage with a giant dragonfly on the front and having driven around town in a painted Glittergirl van for years I have become known as somewhat eccentric.  My purple magic cottage even appeared on the show Weird Homes!

When I was a child and teen I desperately tried to fit in, blend in the background and not call any attention to myself.  Now I do just the opposite.  I’ve noticed the more I attempt to suppress who I truly am the more depression consumes me. The more “I trust my vibes” and go with my offbeat thoughts, ideas and the  out-of-leftfield notions the truly happier I become.  To be truthful it has not been an easy journey but the spill over affect has been great.  By giving myself permission to be who I am I’ve given others permission to do the same.  That part of the journey has been the most exciting of all. I am forever grateful to my Muse for the gift of Creativity and for saving my life.

How has art saved you?

Love, Violette 

Read more of Violette's adventures at her blog, Violette's Creative Juice. She's truly a kindred spirit! 

With One Palette (or Samie is a Cover Girl!

 

Today, I discovered, in my mailbox, the current issue of Somerset Studio with my name on the cover. It made me squee. And dance a funny dance on my patio, which caught the attention of a woman walking by, who smiled and said hello. I stopped dancing just long enough to greet her back, then went back to dancing with my dog. 

I can say that this art — these pieces created in a flurry of movement and paint — seems to mark the beginning of a huge shift in my creative life. I feel myself falling further away from things like my Smash book (that hasn’t been worked on in weeks) and how I used to journal, and diving into layers of paint and hidden symbolism. 

There’s more emotion and meaning to these pieces than the ones I’ve done before. I remember thinking, as I worked, “These mark the beginning of my Artist Self. All I’ve created up until now was practice, play, and experimenting. Now I am my True Artist Self.”

This shift has nothing to do with calling myself an artist — I’ve considered myself an artist for years — but more to do with being happy with what I create. I love all these pieces and can’t wait to get them back to hang in my own space! Yes, I love what I’ve done before now, but these — there’s technique and depth and spontaneity and emotion. The result of things I happened upon in my journals that I now used somewhere else. 

And I just fell in love with these colors! At first, I was afraid I’d be limited by only being able to use three colors (plus black and white), but found it opened a whole new world of experimentation and application. How can I create contrast? How can I use shades and white and a bit of black? How can I discover depth when I can only express myself with such a limited palette? 

But in the end, I learned a lot more than I thought I would! It was almost like a mini-class, all packed into one wild ride of inspiration, where each moment was jam-packed with instruction and discovery, both about my art and myself. I feel like these grew organically, rising from the first applications of paint, those wisps of idea that got me going; the piece on loose canvas, for example, was my “scratch paper,” where brushes were wiped off, stencils cleaned, and doodles were drawn when I was stuck….and yet it turned into a beautiful piece of its own, and one I simply adore! 

I’m thankful for the opportunity this article presented, and the art I’ve created since has been different and soulful and wonderful…at least now you can see where this new phase of artwork and journaling I’m dwelling in started. I’m super excited to share it here with you, both as a way to chronicle this time of major shift and growth in my life, and inspire you to create something wonderful and soulful, too!

I should have prints of these pieces up in my Etsy shop, soon (and I don't link there now since it's a barren (wasteland!). You can grab your own copy of Somerset Studio on newsstands now -- or really, really soon!

A Magic Toy on My Doorstep (lots of pics!)

Look at the beauty that arrived on my doorstep today! 

I’ve never bought a digital camera before — the one I’ve been using has been borrowed, and aside from my Bloggie, which promised to be great but has been a sore disappointment, I’ve used hand-me-downs and, for a few weeks, a gift that couldn’t compensate for my less-than-steady hands. Being able to not only purchase a camera, but a nice one for video recording and blog photos, well, I never thought I’d have enough to be able make such a big purchase! 

And the reality is, I have, in the past, but realize I’ve been a Money Hoarder, always worried that the moment I spend the money on anything large, it’d never be replenished. This is a definite lack of faith in the Universe or God or whatever you may believe, believing that God would gift you with funds one day and deny you the next. I don’t want to get into a discussion about my thoughts on such things, as they’re still deep in bramble patches full of thorns made from a past of illness and uncertainty, but I do believe that God has a vested interest in you as long as you have one in yourself. 

And I decided, in the swell of magic that’s taken residence in my life since the unbelievable generosity around the mini-class and the lives it continues to touch, that it was time to truly invest in myself and where I want to go. To stop making the little, safe choices, borrowing and cutting corners where I could and take that giant leap into this new path I’ve forged for myself. 

If I’m going to be filming one or two videos a week, pouring my heart into each, then it makes perfect sense to purchase a camera that would not only record beautifully, but allow me to see myself as I film (which, if you’ve considered using a digital camera of some kind, it’s kinda difficult!). It will make my work easier and cut down on frustration. 

But more than that, I believe it says: 

Universe, I am ready. I’m not ‘getting by’ and making it work — I am investing seriously in my future. I have declared my mission; now, I’m declaring my commitment. 

Here are a few shots from around the studio today. I’ve been taking it easy for the past few days, as my FMS has decided it wants to chill out in lounge clothes on the couch, so I decided to show you a few details from my new journal. I went ahead and bought a 9”x12” Strathmore Visual Journal (mixed media) as I love the smaller one they sent me a few weeks ago…and I really love this one, too! I don’t have to gesso pages and can still slather on the layers! 

I cannot stress how much my life has become magical after figuring out how to help you by helping — and being — me. Shifting my focus from simply teaching and sharing to helping and being myself has made everything so much clearer, and the world seems full of opportunity. Things just keep happening awesomely. So this new journal is a place where I dream of possibility and abundance. I want to be reminded of these things every day, each time I take out my journal. 

Okay, I’ll stop rambling now! Enjoy the pictures! 

(I'm transfering the sketch to the wood...fun!)

PS. I have a cool surprise for y'all this week, and so many projects and ideas to write down, I'll be busy for weeks! All things to help YOU journal your lives easier, and create beautiful art no matter how healthy, ill, moble, or tired you may be! 

A Happy Day Teaching!

Sunday was a fun-day, for sure!  

Due to a mess-up at the store, our class was small but it meant we could sit and chat as we worked! One was a returning student, the other a member of Journaling Deep! In-between lessons and me drawing on the white board (I felt like a real teacher with demonstrations, supplies lined up to match the steps in the project, and things to draw on that board!), we talked about art, life, health, and jumping outside our comfort zones. 

It is so rewarding, as a teacher, to be able to have an idea in your head & heart, one that you know will help people dive deeper into their creative life, and see that sparkle in their eyes when they get it. I am thankful for the small and understanding class that allowed me to find my footing, and pray that good ideas really do spread, and I'll be teaching larger classes in the near future (and certainly checking in with the store more often to avoid snaffus like what happened this week for SURE; I'm still miffed about the whole situation!). 

This was the first time I taught Paint, Play, Discover, but I can already tell this is going to grow and blossom in my own journaling practice and hopefully that of my little class!

Thanks to Marlene and Lisa for coming out and being so patient with me and my fibro-fog! 

(Because we were chatting, we ran out of time! Oops!)

(And here's a bit from my page that I've been working on here and there!)

And don't forget -- I'll be teaching Journal-Making Sunday, June 24th @1pm. We'll tour the store and learn about all the different types of papers, and make our own hard-cover journals/sketchbooks. Click here for more information!

A little bit every day...

I hit that wall today. 

The I-want-to-create-so-bad-but-am-soooo-tired/sore/in-pain wall. The one we all hate. The one that drives us insane. In our support group, Steph wrote about how she had so many ideas but was in too much pain to do anything, something I wholeheartedly can identify with and have experienced myself. And Stephanie Corffee posted about how she’s been having issues with her hands and wondered what would happen if she couldn’t use them at a later point in her life. 

The short story is, we’ve all been there, at one time or another. 

This is how my afternoon played out:

Girl sits down on the floor in front of her TV and puts a movie on (Anchorman!). 

Girl does some art.

Girl’s Back says, “Noooo, we’re not sitting down here!”

Girl’s Legs say, “We don’t like being crossed!” 

Girl gets up and sits in chair. 

Girl goes back to her art supplies after 15 minutes. 

Repeat four times. 

I wasn’t going to accept that I couldn’t do art. I wouldn’t. Nolwenn told me over IM to not push myself because it wouldn’t do me any good. I told her, “But I wanna paint!” Taking breaks is my way of honoring my body’s wishes (when they don’t line up with my own!), so I kept getting up, resting, and then sitting back on the floor. 

But sometimes, you just can’t win. And you need to be okay with that. 

Are you listening, dearheart? 

You need to be okay with that.

If your body or mind is telling you that it isn’t in the cards to sit up and paint, then don’t. I know you’re going to want to, and I will tell you right now — I stopped, at a certain point, when I knew the art I’d create wouldn’t be as good as what I’d make when I was feeling better. In fact, the longer I kept resting and coming back, the less joy I got from the act of creating. 

When I hit that wall, I was creating to win, not to have fun. 

And no one wins in that game. 

How do you know when it’s time to stop creating?

When your pain wins over the art. 

You’ll be sitting there merrily painting and then BAM, you feel the pain in your joints or back or anywhere else it likes to live. It’ll break through the happy fog of creativity and say hi really, really loudly, and that is when you know it’s time to step away and maybe come back tomorrow. 

And while you’re resting, you can doodle. Or dream. Or prep in your head. Make lists. Just because you’re not actively creating doesn’t mean you’re not doing anything. There’s so much you can do from a couch or comfy chair or bed, while your body rests. Because you want to be able to hit the ground running tomorrow, and so you rest for today. 

A little bit of art, 15 minutes every day, can create a rich, colorful life. 

The work above was done in my Smash book, with stencils and craft paint. Yesterday night, I stamped in my journal with alphabet stamps and black ink. And it is enough. 

29 Faces in May: Final

I thought I'd film the final face, the only side profile I attempted (I didn't realize this until I was nearly to the end of the month!). So check it out below! 

Overall, I had a great time attempting this challenge. While I may not have finished all 29, I did work on one every single day. On some days, when it was hard to do much art, it was amazing to feel accomplished for sitting down and simply drawing with a pen or pencil while watching a movie. 

Here are the rest, in order from the first to the very last...

(I wanted to post these so you could see my progress....and that sticking with something and working on it every day, even for a month, can teach you WONDERS. If I can do this with only ONE art class in my life, YOU CAN TOO!) 

(this one was done with OILS!)

Half the battle is showing up

Inspired by my friend Wendy, I'll be trying to do a journal page a day. Or work on one everyday. Or maybe strive for 4 a week. Why, you ask?

Well, I'm having a Spoonie Day. It's characterized by a distinct lack of cohesion between my body and mind; the former is exhausted or in pain or just being plain ol' stubborn and the latter is raging against a shell that doesn't support what it wants to do. There are so many things I want to do, so many ideas swirling up there, and yet, today, I struggled to even stay awake. 

And on days like this, no matter how much I rally against it, the fact of the matter is, I have to accept it, rest, and show up tomorrow. 

What does this have to do with attempting to finish a journal page every day? 

After two naps, I was lying on my couch watching a movie, journal at my side, closed. A friend lucked upon a beautiful set of Prismacolor Art Stix at a garage sale and sent them to me -- a box of beautiful, smooth colors waiting to be used -- and I had them near me, too. And as I sat there, I remembered I'd posted on my Facebook page last night about doing a page a day, and groaned as I realized that pretty much meant I had to do one today because you can't give up on the first day out of the gate. 

So I did the page above. Mostly done those art stix, with black Stabilo pencil and a white-out pen. I had this morning's drawing class lesson still in my head, and decided to doodle and play with shading. These stix are gorgeous, and I think I'll be playing with them some more tomorrow!