Smashing!

 

Yes, I did it. 

I bought a Smash book. 

It happened a little like this: 

 

“I really can’t stop thinking about those Smash books,” I said. 

 

“They look really cool,” Becca replied. 

 

“But I can’t really justify getting one, even with my coupon.” 

 

“I was thinking of using them with my photos.”

 

“Yes! We can have an easy journal devoted to our Project 365 photos! And can keep each other in line!” 

 

*Zooms to Michaels*

Paraphrased, of course. I think my fever’s finally broken, but it’s done this before, so I’m still under blankets, warm, and taking medicine. I’m quite loopy, too. And may be making poor decisions like designing a tattoo in Gallifreyan for my right wrist (I feel lopsided, with only one inside my left wrist). 

Right. The Smash book. 

I decided that, with the coupon, it was worth it to grab something easy to put my photos in. Right now, I’m posting nearly daily on my Tumblr (not really for the past two days, as there is surprisingly little to photograph when you’ve spent three days in a recliner watching TV and doodling in a Moleskine journal) and printing them every four days or so to Smash ‘em in the journal. The fact that my phone takes amazing pictures and I can post directly to Tumblr ensures that I'll never lose any of the pics, and will always have a place to find them all from any computer.

And it’s nice. I don’t intend to make it as artistic or painted as my art journal, or to do a ton of work in it. That’s not what it’s for. Instead, this journal is simply photographs. Taped down, with a little bit about what happened that day, where the photo was taken, etc. I already have several creative journals going, so working in the Smash book is relaxing. No backgrounds to make, or paint to get out. And that’s the magic of it, I think. I was chatting about this with Christen and realized the easy, slightly-less-spontanious nature where the photographs speak for themselves is perfect. Don’t want ‘em overshadowed by everything else.

(Here's a tip: You can connect your smartphone via Bluetooth to a CVS photo kiosk and print 'em instantly from there; I did this in Oklahoma City when I visited Deina and the photos come out perfectly!) 

Think how cool it’ll be to look through it come December 2012.

The Excitement of Possibility

 

There comes a point when the excitement of possibility requires you to re-examine your routine. 

Roben-Marie and I were chatting via Skype. We do this from time to time, and a simple call becomes a gab-fest for at least an hour. Despite the differences in our art, we find we’re often on the same page; I’ve long accepted the way our thoughts and feelings match up as a type of serendipity. And lately, it seems we’ve been dwelling on something: that our business selves have taken over our artistic selves when it comes to where we’re directing our energy. In fact, when she brought it up, I said:

“I know exactly what you mean. Look at my to-do list — most of it is computer work. Only one thing on here is creating art.” 

Here’s a little view of the inside: I spend more time doing admin work on my various lists and sites, creating online content (such as blog posts, essays, photos, etc), and contacting people via social media than I do creating any sort of art. And of all my artist friends, there’s only one or two I can think of that spend more time making art than the other way around, but they have people helping them out when it comes to the internet, or simply have made a conscious choice to reverse this tide. 

And this is what Roben and I were discussing. Figuring out a way to spend more time making art and less time on the computer. How could we accomplish this? Roben runs her own stamp company, so she certainly has more work than me, and has to bring someone in to help her out. She’s realized she can’t do it all on her own, not if she wants to continue to grow as an artist. And she’s taking a few new classes to help her grow in a few new areas in her life. 

Myself, I’m taking a drawing class at the local community college to help boost my productivity and learn a few new skills. I’ve tried to automate a lot of my services on the web — digital downloads don’t require me to send any sort of file, and Journaling Deep adds people automatically, now. The blog will get a little face lift soon as I continue to let it grow and evolve just like me. 

But it’s hard to create new, exciting content to present to the world via the internet if you don’t have any time to make any art. This summer, I took time off from social media to work in my journal, and was amazed at how many new things I discovered. And then I turned around and started sharing them with you. I feel like that was important, taking that break, devoting extra time every day to my journal and paintings. And I need to rediscover this balance as 2012 begins. Because I now see myself as a professional, finally, have stepped up to teach in-person again (this upcoming Wednesday; if you’re in the Phoenix area, I’d love for you to come!), am a designer, now. Have my tablet to create new digital content. And Journaling Deep has such potential, I’m excited to be on this roller coaster without a safety net. 

How about you? Is art still a hobby, or is it what you love to do? 

I feel as though I’ve broken free of the cocoon and am unfurling my wings, prepping for my first solo flight as a transformed creature. I can paint my wings, sing with my soul, and pray I catch the wind. 

 

I’m currently under the weather, so Journaling Deep will be sent out tomorrow. If you’re expecting anything from me, I appreciate your patience. I’m hoping that by resting yesterday and today, I’ll be back at it tomorrow and work through the weekend. 

Grown-Ups Can Have Sleepovers, Too!

 

I spent New Year's Eve and most of the day after at my darling friend Becca's for a night of art, sparklers, and wine. Lots of wine. So much fun was had, I didn't wake until the next afternoon, but most of the time, I was sitting at her kitchen table working in my journal while she worked in hers. We're that kind of people. 

Excuse the grammar, as there's really no other way to say that! 

The next morning, when I crawled out of bed and padded into the kitchen for some much-needed caffeine, Becca told me the first video for Traci's online workshop (via Strathmore Artists' Paper's 2012 series) was up and she'd already watched it. I first questioned how much longer than me she'd been awake, then dashed into her art room to commandeer her laptop and watched the videos over again. 

(It's a free series, so go over and watch; they're fabulous!)

We were so inspired, we grabbed large sheets of paper and started playing, spraying, and painting. It's amazing how much more fun art is when shared with someone else. 

Here's a mini!vlog of lazy to show you all we created. I must really dash, now, as I need to wash out some hair dye! 

Looking Forward (into 2012)

 

I’ve never really been one to do resolutions. Oh, I’ve made them, sure. But when it comes to the following, well, that’s where this whole thing breaks down. 

I think most are the same no matter who you are: better health/exercise, more time for the things that truly matter, quit smoking/drinking/obsessively going on the internet and wasting time on tumblr (mostly seen on tumblr, and reblogged by said people who are, in fact, still on tumblr), perhaps something about going outside more and appreciating nature. We all want to become more organized and devote more time to a hobby we’ve neglected in the past. Go on Google and ask it what people are asking for this year, and all the lists look the same.  

But I think I’ve figured out the problem. These are all things we feel we should be doing because society sees these things as admirable traits. Don’t we always praise the organized mother of three? Nod and say, “Good for you!” when we hear a friend hits the gym regularly while we keep putting it off? We congratulate people who achieve these things because we know how hard it is to do just that. And the problem, my dear readers, is that while we feel we should do these things, we really don’t want to. 

Because of this, I’ve decided my resolutions are going to be things I actually want to do. Screw society and their lofty judgements as to what is a “good resolution.” If I’m going to have any success with this, I’m going to add in those things I may already do but want to do more consistently, or failings in myself that truly need improvement. Bah, those generic goals. Here’s what I’ll be striving for this year. 

 

 1. Become better at communication. I’m a terrible emailer. I’ll go through and clean my inbox about once a month, spend two hours answering months-old notes, and then become lazy again until the next time my inbox tries to drown me in digital letters. I want to answer things the day they come in. I want to respond to comments on my blog, business ventures, and even tweets, in a more consistent manor. However, I don’t want to get sucked in to the internet. 

2. I don’t want to get sucked in to the internet. I’ve been on the computer since around one o’clock, but you wouldn’t know it from what I’ve managed to do. I seem to find myself falling into the black hole that is Tumblr way too often, as well as Facebook and Twitter. I was IMing with a friend and said, “Working from home is lonely.” I think I keep going to these sites because I’m seeking the comfort of human contact while my ADD brain pings and bounces around in my head. I’d say I want to focus better, but I’m pretty sure that’s setting myself up for instant failure, as, oh, look, someone’s replied to an IM….

3. I want to paint daily. Oh, this may seem easy, but the reality is I often look at my paints and groan as they start complaining about how much they miss me. Pshaw, paints! On New Year’s Eve, Becca said to me, “I haven’t painted in awhile.” And I said, “We’ll make each other. C’mon, let’s get up and do this.” Took us another half hour to actually move, but then we were off and creating for hours. I’ve often said the hardest thing about being creative is getting up, and this is something I want to work through so I can, you know, paint more. Or do something creative every day. 

4. I want to be more sporty. See what I did there? I didn’t say I want to exercise more or I want to ride trails. Yes, I want to do both those things, but I also like the idea that taking a long walk or doing a photo hunt can be considered a tally in the WIN column for 2012. I actually enjoy exercise once I get into it, and find I’m able to sleep better. Oh, that reminds me…

5. I want to conquer insomnia. This may seem a setback from my previous goals —I said conquer — but this is merely a reflection of my intense hatred of that beast I call Kira is not sleeping despite the burning desire to be fucking asleep. I rarely get to sleep before 3am, which means I then sleep until 11am, and I hate it. I HATE IT. I am getting so frustrated with myself, I’m ready to scrawl words across my walls in big letters. Or carve stuff into them. Because I want to sleep. So my resolution is to do whatever it is I can to get back to a sleeping schedule that is most agreeable to me. 

6. I want to cultivate more experiences. I keep seeing the same idea in quotes wherever I go: it’s not the years you live, but the life in your years. Something like that. I often beg off social engagements due to fatigue or being sore (which I am today, oh, so sore). But when I think back on those things I did manage to get to in 2011, I realize I often have a great time and come back with a lesson learned. I want to live more, do more, and be more spontaneous. 

7. I want to keep up my streak of being the only member of my immediate family who hasn’t gone to hospital this year. This may sound silly, but I’m scare about this one most of all. I had a health issue when I was younger, and I’m starting to see signs of it repeating, and I have no health insurance. I have tried and been denied by everyone. Anyway, I’m scared of what could happen, which sounds like a massive waste of energy, but I’m often not sleeping at night, so have a lot of time to worry. Now that worrying about money’s been taken care of, this is the next avenue my mind goes down. I really should start meditating, again, to clear my head… 

8. I want to grow my art and business. Obviously. But I’ve mostly been passive when it comes to such things. I don’t push things down peoples’ throats, or promote myself nearly enough, and have been pretty shy about putting up paintings around town, or sending in another book proposal after being shot down a couple years ago. I’m really tame about it all, especially in person, so I want to take a more active role in my career this year. This includes inquiring about office/studio space, writing up that rate sheet I promised someone in August, creating videos more often, and writing to the blog at least 4 times a week. 

 

Are my goals specific? Not really. But that’s the point — they’re more attainable this way. And yes, there are more things I want to do in 2012, but these are the big ones, the scary ones, the ones that require more effort on my part because while I want to do these things, I’m hitting the most resistance with accomplishing them than anything else. Subject to change, of course, but for now, let’s just focus on these eight and go from there. 

And I’ve checked Facebook twice, Tumblr once, and chatted on IM while writing this. Number two is going to be a bitch to accomplish. 

But worth it, in the end.  

What are you looking to accomplish or improve upon this year?

A Year in Review (2011)

 

One of the amazing things about keeping a blog is the ability to see what you were up to on a certain day. 

 

Whenever I’m watching one of those crime dramas, like Law & Order, I always wonder how I’d respond when asked where I was on a certain day at a certain time. I wouldn’t be like the characters, who are able to think for a moment and then spew out an answer; instead, I’d be running for my journals or checking my blog for some idea as to where I was. That, above visitors or hits or anything, is the most rewarding bit of blogging. It’s a journal you can see. Share. Link to. But above all else, it’s my journal, in digital form. 

 

As I sit here, getting ready to go out and celebrate the new year, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the Year That Was. 

 

Like snow days, Roben-Marie and I finished out Points of Two. The end was bittersweet, as we both learned so much about ourselves and our art through the process, and became even closer friends. She’s someone I can’t imagine my artistic life without. 

 

I took a risk and produced my first art prints of paintings and journal pages. 

 

In creating a new journal, I embraced the idea of the Imperfect Journal; instead of working to make a journal that looked like those seen in stores, I decided to make journals with little imperfections to show they were made by a person’s hands, not the arms of a machine. 

 

I made my second video for Stampington. 

 

I created and launched my portfolio site. This made me feel like more of a “real” artist, and was a big step in my so-called career. 

 

 

In thinking of what advice I’d want to give someone new to art, I wrote a Letter to a Darling, advice I look back on mysefl when feeling unsure. 

 

I met amazing women at the first meeting of our mixed-media group, created by Dina. 

 

I was published in Somerset Studio & Artful Blogging.

 

I realized I was getting in my own way in terms of what I could possibly create and accomplish. 

 

 
Seeing the devastation caused by the tsunami in Japan, I sold paintings and raised $125 for the Japanese Red Cross. 

 

I came to the realization that I’d been undervaluing myself and what I have to offer, and decided to stop thinking of myself as a hobbiest and transitioned to a professional. 

 

 

I attended First Friday in Phoenix for the first time and saw so much amazing art, I was inspired for months. I also learned a bit about myself via that embarrassing contest! This gave me the confidence to actually go after the, well, the boys I thought were cute, or the shops I wanted to talk to. I’m not completely over my shyness, but I feel I made a significant step in the right direction. 

 

While technically started in April, May was the month when a majority of my daily vlogs were done. This was scary — sharing your daily life, on camera, through happy and sad days is a daunting undertaking. Being open and completely honest about some of my darker secrets was thrilling only after I saw I was still accepted despite all the things I’d kept off the ‘net and my blog over the previous year. Lately, I’ve been thinking of deleting the videos, as I feel I’m a different person than that girl, but want to keep them if only to remind me of how far I’ve come. 

 

While reading a book of essays and interviews of my favorite physicist, I struck upon a quote that really started this train I’m on, and that is the pleasure of finding things out. I feel art is a quest like any other, and the moment you stop having fun or experimenting is the moment your art becomes stagnate.

 

I was published in Art Journaling. 

 

I started taking a daily break for tea as a way to center and ground myself. 

I was published in Cloth, Paper, Scissors!

My younger brother went into hospital, and I spent a week in and out of his room while doctors tried to figure out what was going on.  15 minutes after he was released, my father went in to surgery. 

 

True to You 2 was launched. I poured my heart into that class, and while I don’t get huge numbers of students, I do feel those who were in the class learned something. The ideas created in that class have become the foundation for the work I am doing now, and I feel I’m on solid footing as I continue on. 

I really started to examine myself and who I'd become. 

Dina and I offered a challenge to do a painting a week. The last time I spoke to her, at IKEA for lunch, we expressed the same thought — while the challenge was fun, we’re not overly impressed with the canvases we made. But we learned a lot through the challenge!

 

I began my digital re-align (that is still in-progress).

 

I re-examined my idea of a journal, again, and shifted towards inspiration book and away from strictly a journal of paint and collage. 

 

My carpal tunnel flared up to unprecedented levels, rendering me unable to use my hands for anything for nearly two weeks. I spent the latter weeks still in wrist braces as I attempted to get some work done.  

 

I reflected on my first year living in Phoenix. 

 

I took my art outside and painted while dancing to music. 

 

I participated in my first blog hop. 

 

I was interviewed by Kimberly Wilson, one of my favorite authors, for her podcast on creativity and journaling. 

 

I sent off my first contribution to a book — I remember the feeling of reading an art book and seeing all the contributing artists, and still can’t believe there shall be a book out there where I’m one of them, one a woman will see and be inspired by. I couldn’t have picked a better person’s book to contribute to, as she’s given me so much confidence and inspiration in my own photography. 

 

My first stamp line was released! This was a dream come true, something I’d always dreamed about but never thought would actually happen. I am so happy with the stamps that were made, and am hoping sales are good enough so I can make some more! 

 

I participated in National Novel Writing Month. This was such a difficult thing to do, in the beginning, as my wrists were still recovering, but I pushed past that and nagging insecurities to finish my novel, at about 51,000 words four days before the deadline. This was an amazing experience, and I’m still working through the thing and editing out all the sentences that don’t make sense!

 

I wrote about getting past blocks of uncertainty when working in your journal. 

 

I introduced you to my new video format, Journal Girl in the Studio, and have a few secrets about that still up my sleeves. 

 

After months of talking to people and setting things up, I launched Journaling Deep. I am still amazed at how this simply little list has completely changed my life. Those who are long-time readers can attest to my stress at making enough money to pay for meds and the bills I have every month, and now, I have something that has erased that extra level of stress and granted me the ability to spend more time on painting, journaling, and creating quality classes. I absolutely love creating content, weekly, for the list, and have been pouring myself into this new project with wild abandon. And the feedback I’ve been getting — oh, it is wonderful and amazing and touching and YAY! 

 

I haven’t posted much this month. Two weeks ago, my mother had a seizure and was rushed to hospital, where she stayed for a few days before coming home. Because of this, our Christmas was very laid back, with barely any decorations, as we’ve been more focused on making sure she’s okay and taking care of her than the holidays. She’s doing much better, but is constantly scared she could have another (her neurologist has assured us this was a one-time thing, but my mother is, understandably, still scared). 

 

Naturally, there is a LOT more than what I've posted here, so wander through the archives if you'd like! 

 

Overall? I feel I’ve grown as both an artist and businesswoman. I went from that girl who still felt she was simply someone playing who just happened to be published, etc, to a woman who is sure of herself and what she has to offer. I have began valuing what I do and who I am much more, mostly due to the support and advice of a few very lovely, amazing women I consider my Reflecting Mirrors and mentors. I’ve cultivated and allowed my friendships to grow, and while I giggle and laugh, take myself more seriously. 

 

In fact, I’m now looking for office space to rent, where I can go to paint, create, and possibly invite clients as I’m hoping to continue on my mission of designing websites and helping artists create videos for online classes as a freelance editor. 

 

I have yet to figure out my word for 2012. All I can hope for is a year of better health for my family and myself, more exposure and articles and art and sales. And more of you, coming by, being inspired, and writing me notes. Because I read every single one of them, and on those days when I look at what I’m doing and wonder why, I can open them up and be reminded that even if I never meet you, I’ve still done something to touch someone’s heart. And that is why I have the best job in the world. 

 

So thank you for coming by, for reading through this mammoth of a post, and creating beauty. Here’s to a brilliant 2012. 

 

I'll be back tomorrow with what I hope to accomplish and change next year. For now, I'm off to celebrate the end of a rubbish year and the beginning of a better one. 

Spur of the Moment

 

Yesterday, I was packaging up some prints as "I'm sorry I'm a ponce and have taken so long to send out things I owe you" bits; I had these outlined and such for my Etsy shop, but being sick, I wasn't able to open my shop in time. So, gifts they become! 

But while I was doing this, I realized I had an extra one. And had the most odd thought:

What if I brought this to my coffee shop and hung it on the wall with a little note?

It felt so....right. And so I decided, spur of the moment, that I will bring a different print with me every time I go to that shop, and hang it there to brighten someone's day. A little experiment, as it were. 

I ended up chatting with some girls as I eyed a spot for my print, and loved that they understood. "Sometimes, we want art and we can't afford it. So many people here live in the dorms and need something to hang on the walls." (Yes, I live in a college town!) Even the baristas liked the idea. That's always bolstering, when you have a crazy idea like this and others are just as excited as you. 

I love the idea of sharing art with strangers. I remember meeting a woman and showing her my cards, and seeing how moved she was by one of the paintings on the back. She was surprised I would give her one -- I'd much rather give away art to the people touched by it than hoard it all for myself in exchange for money. 

Not the best way to make a living, but a wonderful way to craft a life. 

 

It'll be interesting to see, when I go back on Saturday, if it's still there.