Sometimes, my FMS likes to show me who’s boss.
We usually get along — I make a point to say I live with FMS and not suffer from it — and I can go on trips or spend my days out or painting, have fun as long as I acknowledge my limits (I talk about how I cope in Creative Warriors, and one of my most important tools, Rest Stops). Yes, I’ll have some days that are harder than others, but overall, my health has vastly improved ever since I went on an adventure, stopped consuming HFCS and fake sugars, and cut gluten out of my diet.
Any illness or upheaval in life can steal any sense of control we have in our lives. Vanessa just wrote a touching and heartfelt post about her recent health issues and her experiences during it all — I really recommend it, because she just…she had me in tears by the end.
For the past couple of weeks, the fatigue component of my twin diagnosis of FMS/CFS (fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome) has been kicking my butt.
When our bodies begin to act in a way contrary to how we’d like, we can respond with resentment and frustration. We grow up thinking we are in control of our bodies, but the mind is only one component, and while we have the strength of will to keep going during difficult circumstances or bright joys, our bodies will do what they need to do in order to keep us alive. They are marvelous machines, able to do so many things (like creating life — how miraculous!).
What do we do, then, when they aim to misbehave?
Mine is teaching me a much-needed lesson on self-care and love.
I need to stop being frustrated and angry with myself.
I am doing all I can, getting done all my work, still enjoying art and friendship.
So why should I let this fatigue get to me?
Why should I let it get me down?
I fear people may think me lazy, or life may be passing me by.
But we all need to learn how to live as we’re meant to.
And if that means I’m spending more time caring for myself, forgiving myself, loving myself,
then perhaps I’m beginning to learn the lesson.