Lessons From a Painting Day

​Oops! I definitely thought​ about blogging yesterday, and even did some art, but when the evening came, I ended up turning in early and falling asleep; I read perhaps a paragraph of my book before I was out! 

I'm finally falling into a steady rhythm after the whirlwind that has been April and May. I just wrapped up the last video for my online workshop Digital Adventures and while I'm glad to have that time freed up, I'm eager to fill it with a new project. My time can be so unpredictable; in caring for another, you come dangerously close to losing yourself. It's been hard to build boundaries, and my empathic nature has me rushing in to help all the time, but I'm figuring it out. 

Today was a fantastic day! I spent it painting​. 

When was the last time you painted all day?​

​For me, it's been awhile. I've done a couple of hours here and there, but no day-long adventures with paint and oil pastels and pencils. It truly is amazing and such​ a teaching kind of day. 

Teaching how? This morning, I texted Carissa a photo of a larger piece I'm working on and said, "This painting keeps getting layers as I battle fear. Any suggestions?" ​

She had a few. And one I already knew​ but didn't trust myself to listen. "Move onto another piece and look at that one from afar." She also helped me by just being a cheerleader and good friend, which I adore her for. The funny thing? I was already doing what she suggested when the message came through​. 

It turned out to work. I pulled my cart out into the living room so I could keep painting while keeping an eye on my mother, and started painting. And yes, I'd get interrupted, and I had a couple errands to run, but in the end, after hours of fun and the sun had set, I began to get that punch-drunk feeling that comes with so many hours of concentrated creativity. You know what I'm talking about; when you stop thinking and just have a good time​. ​​​

That is where this journal spread came from. I got out of my own way​. I stopped thinking about color theory or composition or balance and just had a bit of fun in my journal. This is why art journals are so indispensable. Have you been able to let loose lately? What is holding you back?

​Here are a couple of detail shots from the painting I finished today. I'll share the full thing with you soon...

Magic Manifest

Launching Digital Adventures on Wednesday was a LOT of work, and I've been diving into physical mediums since to kind of balance everything out. I've been working on class content and think I'm spending too much time with my iPad, so yeah...paint on my fingers, please! ​

I'm trying to adjust to new medication that has me up half the night, so my drawings are coming through thin skin, nerves close to the surface, nearly exposed. No filter, just doodles as I use art to cope and use the time wisely (watching marathons of TV shows on Netflix feels like such a waste of time, if I'm to be awake until 5am!). You can see my notes scrawled in the corner of one of the pages. The other is a drawing done on thick paper, ready for paint, as soon as I settle on a color palette. ​

Spent the day filming March's journal spread for Creative Warriors, playing with new colors, experimenting with tools, palettes, and ideas. ​Nature, animals, totems, guides. What are we hiding behind and what do we wear outside? Tonight I am working with the imagery of a gazelle, though I would love to do more masks, or maybe simply focus on faces. 

How do you like the unicorn girl's 80's blazer with shoulder pads? Sometimes, you have to go with the mistakes and roll them into beauty instead of fighting with them. ​

Loosen up. Play. Add details. Tell stories with imagery instead of words. Dive into your own magic wardrobe and show me what your forest looks like. Who would I meet upon arriving? What does the landscape look like? How does magic manifest? ​

Pages in Progress...

Ever since I started playing in my journals daily (for long periods of time!), I've been full of inspiration and bouncing around! I spent most of this week getting my body all back to normal after that medication fiasco, as well as working on a beautiful new painting I'll be introducing you to tomorrow! Here are some of my pages-in-progress, like a mini brain dump. Some will change a lot, and others, not very much....but I want to show you all more in-progress work so you can see the evolution of things. Finished pages are great, but they don't help you figure out how they were made much, do they? 

​These are pages in my Moleskine. Most work done in this journal is "dry," that is, without acrylic paint, and focuses on collage, color, and thoughts. I work in here at the beginning of my day, right after I've woken up and my dreams are beginning to fade. 

My new favorite colors -- teal, fluorescent pink, and black.​

​This isn't a journal page, per se, but it was​ a mandala I doodled over a gelli print! I spent the better part of a day carving this monster from a block, and just love the thing! I may have to make more! 

Now I need your​ help! I am not a huge fan of spreads (I haven't done one this size for years!), but was so inspired by Tam's Free Falling journal page video that I jumped in and started one....except now I don't know what to do with the right-hand side of the spread! So, what ideas do you​ have? What should I do? I was thinking of drawing another face, like Tam does in the video, but there are things over there I like! So help me out -- give me some ideas so I can a. try something new, and b. finish this spread! 

We're all elders in training, keeping adventure journals

​There are times when I get an idea in my head and I just can't shake it....it will bug me and bug me and won't let me BE until I go and do it​. Since starting my daily practice of collage and mark-making, I've only found myself coming up with more​ ideas, not digging deeper to find inspiration. You know, those frustrating days when you sit down to work in your journal and can't come up with anything. Nope. Haven't had that. It drives me a bit crazy at times, but now that I'm writing things down, I no longer worry that I'll forget all these possibly-wonderful ideas!

​Things have been...difficult...for a little bit around here. After weeks of declining health and energy (remember all that fatigue I was feeling?), I finally found out I was having a negative reaction to some medication. Did you know generics differ from each-other and the original medication by 15%? Yeah, neither did I! Thankfully, I've been detoxing from it, and am feeling soooo much better (hence blog post; I have four of them slated and half-finished for next week!). I swear, I lost my mind for a little bit! 

One of the things that helped me see clearly once again was a women's circle I found out about when I went on an adventure to see some live music at a friend's house (live music is magical; if you can ever see it, even if it's a small group or music you *might* not like, do it anyway). I was able to drag myself out on Tuesday night in what I call Studio Chic, aka paint-covered yoga clothes, and found myself diving into the conversation and practice in this circle of women. Most know one another through their Kundalini yoga practice at a local studio and ashram; I've been interested in it ever since learning Carissa is actually a non-teaching yoga teacher in the same tradition! ​

​Seated on the floor, we went through basic breathing and movement exercises to warm up, and I found myself able to focus for the first time in weeks. We followed with a vocal meditation -- and in the space of moments in the Present, an hour-and-a-half had passed. 

The line in the doodle above stood out to me (as well as the woman leading the activity) -- that we are elders, just in training. That when we meditate and pray today, we're sometimes sending those messages we needed in the past. Or maybe today, we're praying for the Us of tomorrow. But we always have a line to the elder we will become, a way to connect to the Self that has the answers we so desperately seek in the present. ​

​No, time is not a straight line (though if you're a Doctor Who fan like me, you're already aware of this fact!). 

I began my letter skeptically, then remembered -- I had gotten a message from a future me while writing my daily pages a few days previous, being told about the Artist in me (something I will need another blog post to expand upon!). She told me what I should​ be focusing my attention on, working through, and that the Work is what matters. 

My Moleskine sketchbook has become my Adventure Journal; I work in it daily, and carry it with me wherever I go, pulling it out to record where I am, what I'm experiencing. It's a lot like a memory device; I can better recall an event if I was drawing/doodling at the same time. And the cover is quickly being taken over by stickers from the indie bands I've seen in the last month (as well as an art sticker of my own!). ​

​I doodled while the Love Leighs played Thursday evening, on my friend's front porch. Dawn recently posted her own scribbles and said: "I’ve realized that if I do them in a more scribbly way, the form is more forgiving and I’m not so worried about making them “perfect”." By doodling and scribbling, I feel like I captured their movement, their melodies, their words, the way the faerie lights made them glow, how two of them weren't wearing any shoes. I journaled a bit about how music in such intimate surroundings feels like a connection through the years, back to an earlier time, before the internet and YouTube and downloading CDs. When people would gather and sing and play and share life. 

I ended my night drinking the remainder of a friend's bottle of wine straight from the bottle (and shared it with the band's upright bass player). As my conversation ebbed and flowed outside the front door, the players changing as the night wained, I found myself peeling off the label and slapping it in my journal. On-the-spot journaling, indeed! ​

Of course, I had to share my doodle with the band. It's not my best, but they were still touched. And I'm feeling more and more alive as I bring together art and adventure and a body that's no longer fighting against me. ​

A lesson in self-love

Sometimes, my FMS likes to show me who’s boss. 

We usually get along — I make a point to say I live with FMS and not suffer from it — and I can go on trips or spend my days out or painting, have fun as long as I acknowledge my limits (I talk about how I cope in Creative Warriors, and one of my most important tools, Rest Stops). Yes, I’ll have some days that are harder than others, but overall, my health has vastly improved ever since I went on an adventure, stopped consuming HFCS and fake sugars, and cut gluten out of my diet. 

Any illness or upheaval in life can steal any sense of control we have in our lives. Vanessa just wrote a touching and heartfelt post about her recent health issues and her experiences during it all — I really recommend it, because she just…she had me in tears by the end. 

For the past couple of weeks, the fatigue component of my twin diagnosis of FMS/CFS (fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome) has been kicking my butt.

When our bodies begin to act in a way contrary to how we’d like, we can respond with resentment and frustration. We grow up thinking we are in control of our bodies, but the mind is only one component, and while we have the strength of will to keep going during difficult circumstances or bright joys, our bodies will do what they need to do in order to keep us alive. They are marvelous machines, able to do so many things (like creating life — how miraculous!). 

What do we do, then, when they aim to misbehave? 

Mine is teaching me a much-needed lesson on self-care and love. 

I need to stop being frustrated and angry with myself. 

I am doing all I can, getting done all my work, still enjoying art and friendship.

So why should I let this fatigue get to me? 

Why should I let it get me down? 

I fear people may think me lazy, or life may be passing me by.

But we all need to learn how to live as we’re meant to.

And if that means I’m spending more time caring for myself, forgiving myself, loving myself,

then perhaps I’m beginning to learn the lesson.

I brought joy to my insomnia last night by journaling. Materials used: handcarved stamp, washi tape, Cat's Eye ink pads, collage papers, MS Paints, pencils, neon oil pastels, Moltow white paint pen.