A lesson in self-love

Sometimes, my FMS likes to show me who’s boss. 

We usually get along — I make a point to say I live with FMS and not suffer from it — and I can go on trips or spend my days out or painting, have fun as long as I acknowledge my limits (I talk about how I cope in Creative Warriors, and one of my most important tools, Rest Stops). Yes, I’ll have some days that are harder than others, but overall, my health has vastly improved ever since I went on an adventure, stopped consuming HFCS and fake sugars, and cut gluten out of my diet. 

Any illness or upheaval in life can steal any sense of control we have in our lives. Vanessa just wrote a touching and heartfelt post about her recent health issues and her experiences during it all — I really recommend it, because she just…she had me in tears by the end. 

For the past couple of weeks, the fatigue component of my twin diagnosis of FMS/CFS (fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome) has been kicking my butt.

When our bodies begin to act in a way contrary to how we’d like, we can respond with resentment and frustration. We grow up thinking we are in control of our bodies, but the mind is only one component, and while we have the strength of will to keep going during difficult circumstances or bright joys, our bodies will do what they need to do in order to keep us alive. They are marvelous machines, able to do so many things (like creating life — how miraculous!). 

What do we do, then, when they aim to misbehave? 

Mine is teaching me a much-needed lesson on self-care and love. 

I need to stop being frustrated and angry with myself. 

I am doing all I can, getting done all my work, still enjoying art and friendship.

So why should I let this fatigue get to me? 

Why should I let it get me down? 

I fear people may think me lazy, or life may be passing me by.

But we all need to learn how to live as we’re meant to.

And if that means I’m spending more time caring for myself, forgiving myself, loving myself,

then perhaps I’m beginning to learn the lesson.

I brought joy to my insomnia last night by journaling. Materials used: handcarved stamp, washi tape, Cat's Eye ink pads, collage papers, MS Paints, pencils, neon oil pastels, Moltow white paint pen. 

The Pictures Are Part of My Process

I spent my time, last night, after my summer solstice celebration, sketching. 

Even the next day, I can feel the energy from the circle tingling along my palms, leaking into everything I put my mind to. I type with new ease. I sketch easily and happily. I feel excited to create all day long, and instead of feeling stress, as I normally do at the end of the week, when I put together the package that will become Journaling Deep, I’m calm and centered. The video’s already filmed and the raw footage has been loaded onto my laptop. I can spend the afternoon editing in my favorite coffee shop instead of scrambling. 

You’d think after nearly 30 weeks of tutorials, I’d run out of ideas. And I did, for awhile, but am throwing myself at it with renewed vigor, material pouring out of me with the same excitement I remember from the first weeks of the project. 

Last night's sketch! Gotta fix those eyes!

That’s not what I sat down to write about, though! 

Back to my sketch. This morning (or afternoon, as I’ve been sleeping 12 hour nights to recover from my flare-up), I snapped a photo to share it on Instagram, as I usually do. And I thought, perhaps, I’d share with you why I do this with many, if not all of my sketches.

Because it helps make them better. 

An early version of my Sunshine piece. I went back and re-did the neck and shoulders.

I’ve found that, when you take a photo and look at it, you can find all the things you need to fix. For example, in my latest photo, I noticed that, despite my measuring and ruler-using, her eyes seem to be uneven in size and placement, so I should go back in and fix ‘em up before I start applying paint. 

But if I just look at the sketch, on the page, it doesn’t look like anything is wrong! 

I’ve used this practice with paintings, too! I take photos along the way, stepping back to see the whole thing from a distance — something you simply must do when working on a piece of art! Seeing things from a distance helps you switch from focusing on the details, on the close-up as you paint or sculpt or draw, to seeing the BIG PICTURE! 

What I'm currently working on. I haven't transfered her to the piece, yet, so the print-out is a placeholder.

Photos also let me see how I’m progressing, and creates a record for me to look back on when I feel the piece finished. They can also help you figure out where to place certain items — for me, I’m transferring my sketches to larger canvases, and I can place the print-out around the piece, snap a photo, and then look at all of them, side-by-side, feeling better equipped to make a decision on final placement. 

(I should sooo do a video on how I transfer my sketches to my pieces. Tomorrow, or Monday, for sure!)

So the next time you’re working on something, take the time to step back and snap a photo. Share it with us on Instagram, your blog, Facebook, or even the Studio! You might just get some helpful feedback that’ll snap you back into the flow!

I’ll be sending out a newsletter tomorrow, with announcements, a Studio cheat-sheet, & little tutorial just for subscribers! Not on the list? Sign up in the sidebar to the right, where it says, “Sign up for sparkles in your inbox!”  

The Visual Story of My Life

Wow, it’s been five days since we last spoke? 

Sorry about that, sweetie. 

I’ve been playing with my new camera (the footage is beautiful; we’re learning the basics of shading in Journaling Deep this summer, and moving on to lettering and portraits!), working on postcard mail-art to send to those who have sent me lovelies in the mail, and celebrated a friend’s birthday this weekend (overnight! In a big house!). 

There’s also a lot simmering under the surface, a lot happening behind the scenes, that I’m not ready to share with you, yet. Things like an e-book full of techniques and projects, a new smaller class, an art journaling class for the chronically ill, less-mobile, tired, or on a budget, live chat sessions, and more! I’ve been thinking of creating a circle, a women’s circle, that meets regularly online (Google Hangouts are amazing!). 

When I launched my Mentorship program in March, I even made a slot for the possibility of a circle, but feel the original idea and copy was flawed, and am revising it. Right now. As I type this. If you want to uplevel your journaling, get in the meat of your life, and transform your thinking, drop me a line. I’ll be lowering the price, widening the net, and asking you to be a guinea pig. Journaling changed my life, as you may know; seven years ago, my FMS and depression had gotten so bad, I was suicidal and jumping out of cars with tears streaming down my face. It has changed my life so completely, and for the better, that I don’t want it to take you years and years…perhaps a few months, even!

This isn’t what this blog post was going to be about, but if you write Morning Pages or keep a written journal, you know how epiphanies can just happen like magic when you let the thoughts out of your head in the form of writing! 

As the years have passed, my journal has progressively gotten larger, going from a large Moleskine to the 9”x12” Visual Journal I use now. And my paintings are now on 2’x2’ wood, and those are the small ones! It seems as though my work is getting larger and larger….or maybe there’s just more and more I want to include in the visual story of my life. 

But a month ago or so, I was sent a 5”x7” Visual Journal by Strathmore (oh, speaking of them, massive giveaway happening really soon!) and decided to toss it in my purse for easier on-the-go journaling. It fits perfectly, along with a pencil case filled with all my sketching & zentangle supplies, and I’ve found myself pulling it out more and more while watching TV, waiting in doctors’ offices, or even, yes, at the party this weekend (I was the only one out there the next morning in PJs and a sketchbook in hand!). I’ve found myself drawing more girls and portraits, working off reference photos, and keeping my own little dictionary of Things Samie Really Likes Today. 

It’s not as bright and colorful as my regular art journal, or have as many “finished” pages. I like to think of this as my brain on paper. Raw, unfinished, and all over the place. But I’m beginning to get the hang of it, and feel like I’m unlearning all the stuff I told myself I had to do to make a “good” journal. 

(If you'd like to view all these in a gallery, click here!)