Hospital corners.

Last night, as I was sitting down to blog, I received one of those phone calls you never want to, especially when a short errand has taken too long.

Today has been a whirlwind of phone calls, errands, and care-taking. Bones will mend (though may take a year), hearts will grow stronger, and a new (used) car will be found, but for now, I am thankful that things weren't worse, and keeping my composure while watching those I love suffer.

A friend read about the accident on FB and surprised us with a pressure cooler full of soup; I started to cry on the phone when she said she was on her way over. There was no way I'd be able to cook, and we needed to eat. I thought that was something that only happens in movies.

I've never really had something like this happen before; we're all a little out of our depth. Be careful tonight/this morning. Take the extra time so you're not in a rush. Cherish carefree days and moments.

I will remember to take care of myself. Time for bed. Blogging from my phone, as I am too tired to pull out the laptop.

(Ps please don't ask for more details in comments, as I have told those in life who are close to my heart the best I can. I rarely share personal stuff on here, and feel weird doing so...but I promised to blog my heart, and here's what's in it.):

a library arts education.

Did you know that if your paint feels dry, but is cool to the touch, there's still evaporation going on, still drying?

I feel that huge shift happening and I know it's time to also go deeper with what I learn.

The last time this happened, I enrolled in my first real art class and learned the basics of drawing, composition, and the shift of the artist's eye. I loved it. Even when I hated it, when I cried out of frustration, and wanted to walk away, I loved it. As my teacher said, "Now you can only go up." 

​This time around, I decided to check out my local library & see what they had to offer. I want to learn more about color theory and acrylics (& mediums and how to use them to their limits) so I can bring a new level of maturity to my work & not go through so much uncertainty while working. There is so much to be said of being self-taught, but you have to remember the taught​ part. We can learn to access our imagination & inspiration by ourselves, and understand color, and draw forms, but at some point, you have​ to turn to books or teachers or mentors to get further. The adage is true - you have to learn the rules to break them, and I truly, deeply believe that. If it takes me reading sourcebooks and guides and looking through art collections, going on museum tours and visiting galleries, then I gladly study. 

And you should be learning, too! ​

Browse YouTube, and you'll find all sorts of artists eager to share their wisdom. ​Save up and invest in a local class -- not only will you learn new things, but you'll be plugged into the local art community through the students (I found that community colleges are affordable & your teachers are fascinating!). Take a trip to the library and walk past the mixed media books for the straight up art books to see what you can glean. Become interested in the mediums and tools you are using!

Go deeper! 

I'm learning about how acrylic paints are made. I've always wondered what it meant on the side of them: acrylic polymer emulsion. Why do colors get discontinued? Why are some more expensive than others? Is it worth it to buy those beautiful, expensive paints, or are they all the same under different brand names? ​

Don't you want to know more?​

I do. ​

Done on the iPad. Can you believe it?​

I am a fangirl.

Judi and I met in 2001 on a message board for fans of the TV show Alias​. We both loved the same character (Vaughn!) and often chatted, along with others, in his character thread, then one-on-one via MSN messenger. We've kept in contact since then, and when I moved to Phoenix in 2009, I was able to finally meet her in person. When we first met, I was fresh out of high school and she was recently widowed, but our joint love of Alias​, JJ Abrams, Star Trek​, comic books, and consuming large amounts of fanfiction has kept our friendship strong, especially now that we can text each other and meet up on a Saturday afternoon to see Iron Man 3​ in IMAX 3D. 

I had to stop us as we walked out of the outlet mall I wanted to walk (with my leg issues lately, I want to make sure to take a long walk every day) to capture a picture of us. ​

Those are the pictures I want more of. Me and the people who matter to me, the events that shape me, the moments that matter. Not random shots of my feet (though I did buy fluorescent red Converse; Judi reminded me that treating myself to art supplies is still for work​, and I need to really gift myself once and awhile) or pretty trees. Yes, they are fun, but I want to capture the daily moments. And write a little more about my personal life (outside of art and inspiration and FMS) here. 

I love the movie, by the way. I've been a faithful reader of the Iron Man​ comics for years, and squeed like the fangirl I am. 

PS. I'm writing daily for the month of May. You can sign up for posts to email on the sidebar over there.​

I am tired of faces.

​I had a totally different thought this afternoon, but wanted to make this daily diary thing easy​, and that means writing my heart. 

I am tired of faces. ​

​Totally, completely, bored​ with faces. 

For the past year or so, I have been practicing. Studying. Doing graphite portraiture and realistic pieces, cartoon and illustration types, big and little and focused on tiny details omg get them right​! I have studied them with graphite, charcoal, colored pencils, crayons, oils, and acrylics. Even paint pens. And all I can show for it is a desire to draw them fast and expressive and get on with it​! 

I have faces with necks and....nothing more. ​

I became so focused on all the details that I lost the forest for the trees. I would get lost in seeking perfection and lose spontaneous expression. ​By the end, my girls would be staring blankly into space and I just....gah. 

So I started creating animal girls, totem girls, as I journeyed on my own Heroine's Quest. I was opened up to the world of animal wisdom last summer, and have begun remembering my dreams. Sometimes, I'll hear a random animal's call, or see it repeated across a day or two, and know it's trying to tell me something. And so my girls morphed into something new, again. ​

And then I was reminded of something old​, an illustration style that was expressive and spontaneous and didn't take days to finish. I pulled out the originals and found myself itching to draw like that again, to create for myself an environment where I could be imperfect again. Where I could draw fast and sloppy and speak from the heart​.  

So now I can turn that laser focus to the gothic lolita dresses I've loved for years and want to draw. I can work on learning color theory. I can go BIG. ​

That's what I have been called to do. Paint BIG. Stand and dance as I spread paint across the canvas. Look at my new, giant brushes! ​

TODAY​: Woke up late, worked on a couple project, and felt Friday fall on my shoulders when I heard those words we all hate: your car needs to go in for repairs​. Ugh. That fell with a couple other things, and I had to draw a new map through emotion. Went to the library. Bought good, organic, non-GMO fed foods for a yummy dinner. Try kombucha & forgot fermented​ = not good for gluten-free me. 

She has sunshine hair.

​I'm still trying to find balance between the new work and what's bursting to be born from me. A lovely follower wrote on a self portrait the other day: 

"Whatever changed you have made in the last 2 months agree with you. :) looking so happy and peaceful lately."

​The answer? Sleep. I'm sleeping through the night, waking with the sun, getting my hands dirty (both on the keyboard & with paint). Now I'm searching for balance, and think using my blog as a daily diary again may help me out. I'm inspired by Kal Barteski's method of blogging, and Sarah Ahern's commitment to do something creative every day in May. 

I was able to get outside to paint this morning, before the hot desert sun encroached on my patio table & I had to pull it all inside.  ​

​I'm going through something new​ with my art, again. I am coming from another point of view, with new tools and ideas. More paint​. Draw and express rather than details and perfection (or the quest for it). 

I painted this girl this morning. She's almost finished, but will have to stay inside where it's cool. ​

TODAY​: Shooting some video for Digital Adventures & finding a cafe to drink something yummy and cool while I sketch. 

Hello May!

Phew! ​

April was a whirl-wind adventure. It took a lot of bravery, and a couple leaps of faith, & has consumed my time to show me where I need better boundaries. Since I haven't had time to write blog posts, I shall distill it into a numbered list for your curious connivence. ​

1. Berkeley. Oh my goodness. I've wanted to visit the Bay area for years​, and in the matter of less-than-two-weeks, I went from trading emails to spending hours with the amazingly daring Mati Rose, filming and brainstorming on her Daring Adventures in Paint workshop. It took a lot of courage to even send that first email, and then to book plane tickets, but it all worked out so amazingly, I'd like to mention the word serendipity. What an amazing work/vacation! 

I stayed at a house via AirBnb in the Berkeley Hills with the most adorable family with young kids. I had a bedroom, sitting room, and bathroom all to myself, with a gorgeous view of the bay at sunset. While I thought​ I'd spend the evenings relaxing, I ended up walking the area for yummy food, having an adventure after an oh-my-God-it's-a-Blick shopping spree, and met up with two long-time friends for a trip to Japantown (Daiso! Kinokunya!) who I'd never met in person but consider life-long sisters. 

2. Synchronicity. While there, I discovered a deep joy as I worked, and realized I'd fallen into the thing I want to do most of all​. It's one thing to dream up an e-course, but another to figure out how to organize it all, split it, figure out what needs to be filmed and what doesn't....how to shoot you mid-creation. Lighting. Angles. Equipment. You need someone to talk it through, someone who's been a student and teacher, who knows technology and programming, who can take all that footage and put it together into a nice neat video package​ so you can focus on posting and interaction. ​

I want to visit artists in their studios, record their courses, and put the video content together for them​. 

I want to chat on Skype with you when you need someone to help you take a snarled, artistic vision and create a game plan.​​​​

I want to help everyone make better videos with simple, easy-to-follow tips.​

I don't know what this job is called, or how I can keep up the momentum, or find more clients, but my heart sang​ when I was in Berkeley in a way it hasn't for a long time​ and I KNOW I have found my "thing." 

It's an amazing feeling that makes me feel radiant. ​

3. Shared Knowledge. My students in Digital Adventures & Creative Warriors have started to come out of their shells and create amazing artwork​. It's one thing when you put everything together and give it to the world, and another to see those principles picked up and used​ just how you intended. I have a bit more time to pay attention to each student, and my small class size idea was a GOOD one. I'm so happy I made it! 

4. Inspired. My article on Being a Creative Warrior is in the current issue of Somerset Studio, and is even mentioned on the cover! You can all now learn more about this movement I'm starting ​and become one yourself! I was so surprised and touched to get my copy in the mail, and it has a special spot in my studio. 

5. Go big. I've decided it's time to use more paint​ and go big​. I have a bunch of canvases in various stages of completion, as I want to make more original artwork to adorn your walls rather than focusing on just​ journal pages. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop, or share less, just that I'm making a commitment to myself to be an artist and dive deep and be brave and dare!

​6. Roben-Marie's Mixed Media Stamps. These are wonderful!​ Everyone I've shared them with have love them, and I'm usually really picky​ about stamps. I keep a selection of them with me all the time, and they're so versatile! 

You can see me using them in my latest art journal speed painting video on YouTube! ​

7. Artspiration Studio. We only have 50 hours left to meet our goal of opening a mixed-media and art journaling studio here in the East Valley of Phoenix! Join Tangie Baxter (a sweet, awesome artist & businesswoman!) in raising funds on Kickstarter to get us there! There are TONS of awesome rewards for each level! ​

​And here's some recent journal work. It's spinning off in a whole new direction, so I'm wibbly, but....the paint keeps flowing!

YOU ARE WORTHY

AH! I have a blog! Between working on Daring Adventures in Paint (which is awesome, btw, and if you want to paint more & be inspired, I recommend it!)​, keeping up with Digital Adventures, getting Creative Warriors all set for May, & my own need to PAINT ALL THE THINGS (especially with spray paint), I am a crazy woman on the edge of I CAN DO IT / OMG WHAT IS FREE TIME. *laughs* A good fencepost to be balancing on, yes!

I promise to share the deets of my impromptu and magical adventures in Berkeley and San Francisco (not limited to Public Transit is Confusing, Did I Really Get a Ride from a Stranger, Blick Owns My Heart, FACE TO FACE OMG, Magical Artists, & more!)​ this weekend, but for today, I wanted to share an important message. 

Prompted by a comment made by a friend, I filmed this intro for Creative Warrior's April project, and felt it was too important not to share....I even choked up while I was editing. ​I've done a LOT of work on myself, and know what it feels like to feel lazy, useless, or a waste because you need to CHILL OUT and REST (two things that are VERY good for you!). But THEY AREN'T TRUE. YOU ARE WORTHY AND WONDERFUL. So view my video below. 

I'm also sharing a piece I finished today that will be up in the Etsy shop as prints on Monday. ​

Now, I shall attempt to tackle my inbox. *winces but is brave!*​

Do What Feels Right for YOU

Digital Adventures started today! I thought I'd share the intro video with you just in case you were on the fence, or were still unclear as to what the class is about! ​

I was talking to Andrea this morning -- check out her Creative Dream Incubator, by the way; it's on my dream list of classes to take & looks like FUN! (in between bouts of panic, as every launch has​ to have some kind of issue, however small!) about class size vs. value. As in, is it better to have a big class that costs less, or a small class that costs more? 

As we chatted, I realized I'd rather teach a smaller class of invested students than a large class where I don't have time to get to know everyone. ​I love small, intimate classes -- they feel much more like parties, and everyone gets to chat and know one another and watch not only their progress during the class, but everyone else's. It's like having a team of cheerleaders. I want​ to get to know my students, and with Digital Adventures, many of the students are my friends! So I'm super excited to sit down and put together each lesson because it's really just a long-distance Skype call of me sharing what I love. Doesn't that sound like the kind of class you'd want to take?

So I've decided to do a few things: ​

• I'm going to limit the size of my live classes so I can give each person individual attention, check in with them, and help tailor the experience to their level.
• I'll then open up classes as self-study (you get the content, but don't get to join the party!)​.
• I'm going to retire some of my old classes and cycle them out as new classes are added.​

Is this scary? YES! But Andrea was wise when she said you have to go with what feels right to you​. And Wren added that you have to do what you have lasting enthusiasm for​. 

We also touched on changing exchange if the scope of a project changes. When I started Creative Warriors, I intended on it being a low-energy investment each month -- a PDF or blog entries, guided journaling, and support. Now, it includes project videos, a Facebook group (full of chatting, awesome women!), and a monthly 'zine of guidance and inspiration that contributors can get paid for (hopefully!). ​

It has evolved as the needs of its creator and group became clearer. ​

I have guest posts lined up, people to interview, and so much joy for the 'zine, I might burst. Check out these messages I've gotten so far: ​

"The zine is great. I'm delving into it now and wanted to pause for a moment to tell you you've done a great job. I really connected with what you said about living with a Shadow Life. I look forward to the next installment."

"I just finally had a chance to read through the zine [and] it's absolutely WONDERFUL. You can see so much of your heart and soul in this, dear! it's so needed right now too, it gave me such a jump start after two weeks of barely being alive with so much stress and no energy. THANK YOU for putting this out, and i hope beyond hope for you that it works out!  at least the pain means you're alive? yes, THIS. on so many levels."

​Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to squeeze in a little more art before my business trip (I know! I have another one! To SF!) later this week. Have you SEEN my to-do list? What's sleep again? I was up at 6:30 am this morning! I think I deserve a snack from Sonic, yes? With all the energy I'm putting into this, Art Journal Summer School may be the last live class I do online this year. Especially if I keep getting work from magazines & artists!