Hello May!

Phew! ​

April was a whirl-wind adventure. It took a lot of bravery, and a couple leaps of faith, & has consumed my time to show me where I need better boundaries. Since I haven't had time to write blog posts, I shall distill it into a numbered list for your curious connivence. ​

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1. Berkeley. Oh my goodness. I've wanted to visit the Bay area for years​, and in the matter of less-than-two-weeks, I went from trading emails to spending hours with the amazingly daring Mati Rose, filming and brainstorming on her Daring Adventures in Paint workshop. It took a lot of courage to even send that first email, and then to book plane tickets, but it all worked out so amazingly, I'd like to mention the word serendipity. What an amazing work/vacation! 

I stayed at a house via AirBnb in the Berkeley Hills with the most adorable family with young kids. I had a bedroom, sitting room, and bathroom all to myself, with a gorgeous view of the bay at sunset. While I thought​ I'd spend the evenings relaxing, I ended up walking the area for yummy food, having an adventure after an oh-my-God-it's-a-Blick shopping spree, and met up with two long-time friends for a trip to Japantown (Daiso! Kinokunya!) who I'd never met in person but consider life-long sisters. 

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2. Synchronicity. While there, I discovered a deep joy as I worked, and realized I'd fallen into the thing I want to do most of all​. It's one thing to dream up an e-course, but another to figure out how to organize it all, split it, figure out what needs to be filmed and what doesn't....how to shoot you mid-creation. Lighting. Angles. Equipment. You need someone to talk it through, someone who's been a student and teacher, who knows technology and programming, who can take all that footage and put it together into a nice neat video package​ so you can focus on posting and interaction. 

I want to visit artists in their studios, record their courses, and put the video content together for them​. 

I want to chat on Skype with you when you need someone to help you take a snarled, artistic vision and create a game plan.

I want to help everyone make better videos with simple, easy-to-follow tips.

I don't know what this job is called, or how I can keep up the momentum, or find more clients, but my heart sang​ when I was in Berkeley in a way it hasn't for a long time​ and I KNOW I have found my "thing." 

It's an amazing feeling that makes me feel radiant. ​

3. Shared Knowledge. My students in Digital Adventures & Creative Warriors have started to come out of their shells and create amazing artwork​. It's one thing when you put everything together and give it to the world, and another to see those principles picked up and used​ just how you intended. I have a bit more time to pay attention to each student, and my small class size idea was a GOOD one. I'm so happy I made it! 

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4. Inspired. My article on Being a Creative Warrior is in the current issue of Somerset Studio, and is even mentioned on the cover! You can all now learn more about this movement I'm starting ​and become one yourself! I was so surprised and touched to get my copy in the mail, and it has a special spot in my studio. 

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5. Go big. I've decided it's time to use more paint​ and go big​. I have a bunch of canvases in various stages of completion, as I want to make more original artwork to adorn your walls rather than focusing on just​ journal pages. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop, or share less, just that I'm making a commitment to myself to be an artist and dive deep and be brave and dare!

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​6. Roben-Marie's Mixed Media Stamps. These are wonderful!​ Everyone I've shared them with have love them, and I'm usually really picky​ about stamps. I keep a selection of them with me all the time, and they're so versatile! 

You can see me using them in my latest art journal speed painting video on YouTube! ​

7. Artspiration Studio. We only have 50 hours left to meet our goal of opening a mixed-media and art journaling studio here in the East Valley of Phoenix! Join Tangie Baxter (a sweet, awesome artist & businesswoman!) in raising funds on Kickstarter to get us there! There are TONS of awesome rewards for each level! ​

​And here's some recent journal work. It's spinning off in a whole new direction, so I'm wibbly, but....the paint keeps flowing!

​And here's some recent journal work. It's spinning off in a whole new direction, so I'm wibbly, but....the paint keeps flowing!

YOU ARE WORTHY

AH! I have a blog! Between working on Daring Adventures in Paint (which is awesome, btw, and if you want to paint more & be inspired, I recommend it!)​, keeping up with Digital Adventures, getting Creative Warriors all set for May, & my own need to PAINT ALL THE THINGS (especially with spray paint), I am a crazy woman on the edge of I CAN DO IT / OMG WHAT IS FREE TIME. *laughs* A good fencepost to be balancing on, yes!

I promise to share the deets of my impromptu and magical adventures in Berkeley and San Francisco (not limited to Public Transit is Confusing, Did I Really Get a Ride from a Stranger, Blick Owns My Heart, FACE TO FACE OMG, Magical Artists, & more!)​ this weekend, but for today, I wanted to share an important message. 

Prompted by a comment made by a friend, I filmed this intro for Creative Warrior's April project, and felt it was too important not to share....I even choked up while I was editing. ​I've done a LOT of work on myself, and know what it feels like to feel lazy, useless, or a waste because you need to CHILL OUT and REST (two things that are VERY good for you!). But THEY AREN'T TRUE. YOU ARE WORTHY AND WONDERFUL. So view my video below. 

I'm also sharing a piece I finished today that will be up in the Etsy shop as prints on Monday. ​

Now, I shall attempt to tackle my inbox. *winces but is brave!*​

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Do What Feels Right for YOU

Digital Adventures started today! I thought I'd share the intro video with you just in case you were on the fence, or were still unclear as to what the class is about! ​

I was talking to Andrea this morning -- check out her Creative Dream Incubator, by the way; it's on my dream list of classes to take & looks like FUN! (in between bouts of panic, as every launch has​ to have some kind of issue, however small!) about class size vs. value. As in, is it better to have a big class that costs less, or a small class that costs more

As we chatted, I realized I'd rather teach a smaller class of invested students than a large class where I don't have time to get to know everyone. ​I love small, intimate classes -- they feel much more like parties, and everyone gets to chat and know one another and watch not only their progress during the class, but everyone else's. It's like having a team of cheerleaders. I want​ to get to know my students, and with Digital Adventures, many of the students are my friends! So I'm super excited to sit down and put together each lesson because it's really just a long-distance Skype call of me sharing what I love. Doesn't that sound like the kind of class you'd want to take?

So I've decided to do a few things: ​

  • I'm going to limit the size of my live classes so I can give each person individual attention, check in with them, and help tailor the experience to their level.
  • I'll then open up classes as self-study (you get the content, but don't get to join the party!)​.
  • I'm going to retire some of my old classes and cycle them out as new classes are added.​

Is this scary? YES! But Andrea was wise when she said you have to go with what feels right to you​. And Wren added that you have to do what you have lasting enthusiasm for​. 

We also touched on changing exchange if the scope of a project changes. When I started Creative Warriors, I intended on it being a low-energy investment each month -- a PDF or blog entries, guided journaling, and support. Now, it includes project videos, a Facebook group (full of chatting, awesome women!), and a monthly 'zine of guidance and inspiration that contributors can get paid for (hopefully!). ​

It has evolved as the needs of its creator and group became clearer. ​

I have guest posts lined up, people to interview, and so much joy for the 'zine, I might burst. Check out these messages I've gotten so far: ​

"The zine is great. I'm delving into it now and wanted to pause for a moment to tell you you've done a great job. I really connected with what you said about living with a Shadow Life. I look forward to the next installment."
"I just finally had a chance to read through the zine [and] it's absolutely WONDERFUL. You can see so much of your heart and soul in this, dear! it's so needed right now too, it gave me such a jump start after two weeks of barely being alive with so much stress and no energy. THANK YOU for putting this out, and i hope beyond hope for you that it works out!  at least the pain means you're alive? yes, THIS. on so many levels."

​Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to squeeze in a little more art before my business trip (I know! I have another one! To SF!) later this week. Have you SEEN my to-do list? What's sleep again? I was up at 6:30 am this morning! I think I deserve a snack from Sonic, yes? With all the energy I'm putting into this, Art Journal Summer School may be the last live class I do online this year. Especially if I keep getting work from magazines & artists! 

The Open Hearts of Others (a story!)

I want to tell you a story. 

​A few weeks ago, I was suffering from sleep deprivation. It had been building up since mid-February, and by the time I next saw my doctor, I was in tears. I cried the entire time there, through the appointment, and finally calmed down when my kind doctor told me to keep my chin up, and that we were going to figure things out. He's always asking me to call him, to keep lines of communication open, and even works with health-insurance-less me. 

However much he discounts, it still took much of my saved up funds. I hadn't been able to work much, either on art ventures or editing work, and was a little low. So when I arrived at the pharmacy to drop off what would hopefully be able to help me sleep, and was told the prescription would cost $170, I felt the tears well up. "I can't afford it, so please, just hold onto the script." I had felt salvation in my hands only to be barred from it because of how much medications -- even this one, a generic -- can cost. 

I decided to get a week's worth, to see if it actually worked; this was the six -- or is it seventh? -- medication to try ever since my Traumatic Brain Injury last March threw me for a loop. I will forever admire those football players who get a concussion and keep on playing, because let me tell you -- a TBI is no walk in the park. Sleep interruption, mood changes, personality issues, anxiety, and nearly daily headaches (luckily, eliminating gluten from my diet has helped clear up the migraines that developed afterwards!) permeates every moment of your life. ​

When I walked in, after waiting for the script to be filled, one of the girls, who is always bubbly, excited, and kind, held out the prescription and said, "I found a coupon that brought the price down to $18, for the entire month's worth​!" 

This time, when tears fell from my eyes, they were of eternal gratitude and joy. She didn't have to do anything. She didn't have to go out of her way to find a solution for me. She said, "I wanted to call you as soon as I found it!" I leaned over the counter to pull her into a hug, so, so touched that God had put these people -- my kind, understanding doctor, this new pharmacy tech -- in my path on a difficult day. ​

And the medication works! I am once again sleeping, back to a healthy diet, working my behind off (new class, new zine, new videos, new new new new!), creating new art, crafting new editing solutions (playing and diving into my new practice of being a colorist!), and running around enjoying the heck out of life​!

So today, I sat down to paint her a gift....for my art is the one thing I can truly give from my heart. I thought on her gift (she has since found another​ coupon to save me $5 more dollars, always knows who I am when I go to grab meds, and is cheerful each time I see her!), letting my joy and her kindness guide my hands. 

I have lately discovered my "style" and "colors" for painting people, and am so excited to dive deeper, so made a little picture of an Open Heart being freely given. She touched me so much​, and I wanted to share this story because we sometimes think these things will never happen to us, but they will​. We are loving, caring people, a race of humans who have hearts and eyes and the ability to give so much, and every so often, God puts the right people in your path at just​ the right moment to remind you of this. 

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(The colors are a bit flat, but that's probably because I'm in love with neon and used a bunch in her hair! And she has a coat of varnish that protects her and makes her shiny!)

Listening Past the Noise to Her Wild Self

This painting came with me to the undertow and rode the storm with me.​
It picked me up and carried me to shore. 

It wasn't an easy journey. This wasn't done in a day, or two, or three.
But weeks. Hours and hours spent with detail brushes.
Pushing the very boundaries of my abilities.
Challenging me. 
Cleaning me out. Pulled out all the wires and bits and what-makes-me-me until it reached my heart. 
And plucked it from my chest. 

My brains are scrambled, my feet unsteady;
when it put me back down, I stumbled along.
She was hard-won, fought for with blood, sweat, and tears.
The deepest painting experience I've ever had. ​

She is surrounded by Noise.
By the constant sensory input of chronic pain,
​over-stimulated and straining to BE, to think, to be CLEAR.
But she's going to Listen past it all. 

A week ago, I had a vision.
I was me, with feathers in my hair, with moccasins on my feet,
reconnected to my Native heritage,
surrounded by animals.
​It has been swimming in my head since then, 
all the peace I felt,
the Oneness,
the Truth of who I am underneath. 

That is what she is.
She is Me, under it all.
Past it all.
A Dream of Me.
Listening Past the Noise to Her Wild Self.​

I am ready to Listen, to Be, to Create. ​

​24"x24" mixed-media on wood

​24"x24" mixed-media on wood