Tonight, I walked to the bookstore and browsed, then crossed the street and sat outside Starbucks to drink in the cooler fall weather and write in my art journal.
After nearly two weeks in a fog, it's finally cleared.
(I had a low-level migraine for awhile, that climaxed in a Major Brain Busting event over the weekend. It seems to have been caused by gluten filler in my new sleeping medication; since stopping it, I have felt much better!)
Just before all this started, I took a giant leap. In fact, I remember the conversation clearly, all the excitement and joy I was feeling, and then getting in the car thinking what did I just do? How are you going to pay for that? Where will you put your supplies? What if you're inspired at 2am? That wall of reality rising above me…
Except I no longer believe this is reality crashing down. I truly feel it was my Inner Critic raising all the reasons I shouldn't do what I was about to.
You may be going Samie, what are you saying? You've wanted a studio outside the apartment for years!
It doesn't matter if it's a studio or ordering prints or sending in a class proposal -- whenever we reach for our creative dreams, the reality suddenly frightens us when it comes true. We wish for so long, we almost don't believe it will ever come true, and when it does, we're all too good at making us doubt ourselves! Suddenly, there are a hundred reasons why we shouldn't do this or that, why this was never a great idea in the first place, or that we just aren't ready yet.
Which is such crap. We should. It is. We are.
Let me share with you the first two pieces I started working on in there on Thursday evening. I was all by myself and ended up dancing around to Turkish music, singing to my Sara Bareilles CD, & slinging paint.
It felt wonderful.
I'll be uploading a new video on Tuesday, btw...it had to take a break while my head was pounding! But I'll be recording a journaling vid very soon, too!
Don't forget to join me for this month's gelli print e-class! I'm even learning a new journal-binding style for this one! I'll be sharing behind the scenes pics starting Monday on my Instagram account, so don't miss out! And there is a coupon available if you need help paying. ;)